Jul
9
2007
9
2007
Eyes of Mercy
Filed under: Following Jesus, Judgment, Scripture
I’ve never been someone who just blends into the crowd. I am extremely outgoing. I’m confident. I talk to strangers…at length. I’m passionate about A LOT of things. I have a three-year-old who dances everywhere she goes while singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” at the top of her lungs. Pretty hard to go unnoticed with that last one. All of those things are fine with me. It’s who I am. But prior to dreading my hair, at least I LOOKED like everyone else on the outside, even if I was a little crazy on the inside.
These days, it’s pretty clear that I am not like the others. And when you look different, people seem to stare more. It’s very strange to go from being occasionally noticed, to having people blatantly gawking at you. I can understand it though…because before I had dreads, I would totally stare at people who had dreads. Because I WANTED dreads! Of course, it’s a little hard to determine what is in people’s minds when they are staring. Do they want dreads too? Do they know someone who has dreads? Are they wondering how a white girl got her hair to knot up like that? Were they judging me because I looked different?
Which brings me to my next point. Judgment. Picture yourself walking through the mall or the grocery store. You see someone who looks different than you or who may be acting different than you. Is your first reaction to comment out loud to your companions? Maybe a comment about how silly that person looks? Or how obnoxious they are acting? Maybe you’re not with anyone, but you still think it and you inwardly roll your eyes as that person walks by.
We’ve all been there. If you haven’t ever judged someone by their appearance…I really don’t think you’re human. Is it truly possible to just look at someone and acknowledge that they are different, but not judge them? Is it truly possible to just look at a person for WHO they are inside and not what they look like on the outside? Is it truly possible to see a SOUL instead of a BODY? I think so. But for me, it won’t happen without letting Christ control my mind.
When I see something or someone that is different…especially if they happen to be rubbing m the wrong way, the reaction of my flesh (a.k.a. sin nature) is to judge. My mind is usually not filled with loving, uplifting thoughts about that person. That can only come when I am abiding with Christ and HE is the one controlling my thought life. When He is in control of my thoughts, HIS thoughts come through first and mine get thrown away. When my thoughts align with Christ’s, I think first of how that person’s day has been, what kind of things they’ve had to deal with, and the kind of hurts they have experienced in their life. I look at them with a more gentle spirit and I recognize things in them that I myself have struggled with in the past or things I am still struggling with, but don’t want to address. In Matthew 7:1-5, Jesus offers a reminder in our dealings with others:
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye”.
Judgment has an entire industry. Just look around as you check out at the grocery store next time. Gossip magazines are a great tool to help you judge others. “Brittany shaves head!”. “Paris in jail!”. Is your first thought…”she deserved it…” or “what on earth was she thinking? She’s crazy”. Or did your heart hurt for Brittany as she struggled with the whole world watching? As Paris cried out for her mother…did you laugh at her or feel her pain with her? Jesus showed nothing but love and mercy to ALL people. He broke bread with prostitutes and tax collectors. He rebuked those who were judgmental in their thoughts toward others. It doesn’t mean that they won’t have to experience the consequences of their sins or that they should continue on that path. But He looked at them with LOVE first. Next time you want to pick up one of those magazines…think about the thoughts it causes you to have and what purpose they have in your life. Is an industry based on gossip and judgment one you want to support with your money?
It’s not always strangers that we judge…we judge those closest to us. Our friends, our family…those we love the most. Think of how different your group of friends could be or how different your family could be if the only words from your mouth to them were edifying and uplifting…only allowing thoughts of grace or forgiveness to come into your mind and out of your mouth as you speak about them or to them. I know that all of you have probably experienced deep hurts in your life…and they often come from someone close to you. It is possible to judge the situation apart from the person involved. It’s hard, but you can.
I had the pleasure of meeting a young man named Donnie last January and he had these things to say on his blog about learning to not judge others.
“…so i have developed an exercise. we’ll call it a spiritual discipline – that, if applied to my lifestyle every few days or weeks, will strengthen my ‘higher self’ or ‘new man’ or ‘bad a**’ or whatever it is that cooperates with the Spirit of God (i.e. unrelenting generosity & compassion). it’s called “people watching“. i know we all do it. some of us even watch people watching other people. but this is maybe a bit different because of the intention – in the same way one could eat a big mac for nourishment or only for entertainment. so the intention to cultivate is this: no partiality. meaning, that as i am watching big/small, dirty/clean, sober/stoned, rich/poor, pretty/ugly people… i am doing so with the intention of seeing value in each one that i focus on. breaking subconscious habits of finding people less than. i am confronting automatic response patterns and prejudices that come up, for example, when i see an anarchist and just want to write him off as an angry lost soul. first, i have to acknowledge that i really do feel this way and then try to move into projecting/thinking/praying only good things for this person – as well as asking the Great Spirit to help me out with my crusty, impatient tendencies to be closed jerk. basically, asking for help as i work towards becoming a more merciful, understanding person. and we all know that life is a lot better when you are hanging out with someone like that. things feel on time and you feel as though you are actually a unique and interesting person.”
When those judgmental thoughts enter your mind…”capture” them and submit them to Christ. When you let negative thoughts run rampant in your mind…the outcome is always bitterness and a hardened heart.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8).”
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things (Colossians 3:2).”
You will be amazed at how different your entire life can be if your thoughts are focused on the GOOD things, not the bad…in people, in situations, everywhere. This is not just a Christian philosophy…people of all faiths can embrace this concept and choose not to judge. Set your mind…and have eyes of mercy.
Posted by Sara @ 8:18 pm | Leave a Comment
9
2007
What a beautiful post. When I catch myself staring at someone with dreads or tattoos, I am *always* thinking, “I would LOVE to have their hair/tattoos/etc.,” but always catch myself making excuses for why I couldn’t. It’s silly! I wish everyone felt confident enough to be who they are or dream of being.
9
2007
what perfect timing… i can’t tell you how much i needed that this very minute. it can be so hard to look on people with mercy – especially those close to you who may have hurt you in the past. thank you for your entry. it really ministered to me and spurred me on to submit my thoughts to him and stop relying on my own strength to love people…
9
2007
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”
Aren’t dreads and beads and Crocs and RV trips and so on, ‘earthly things’?
9
2007
You know… I find myself staring… and wishing. Wishing I had the courage to be the person I dream about. The one who absolutely doesn’t care what her parents/friends/coworkers/strangers think? If I could find a place where I felt completely confident and secure in who I am in Christ and that’s all that matters. You know… if you visit us on your Live Lightly Tour… I might just get you to help me start some dreads.. who knows. I really want to, but I’m so afraid about what everybody else may think or say.
Whitney
Happy Jack’s Mommy
P.S. is that a joke up there
9
2007
Hannah…yes, all the things you listed are earthly things. The same goes for clothes, food, shelter, books…the list could go on and on. This verse speaks about where your FOCUS is. Is your mind completely focused/preoccupied on the things of this world? Or does your mind turn to Christ consistently…in every action of every day? Are you abiding with Him?
Any earthly thing could turn into something that dominates your mind…even something that seems “good”. If my dreads, beads, crocs, and RV trips turn into idols in my life and it’s all I can think about, then they are not honoring to God. If they take any attention away from Him…then something is out of order in my life. But as it is…the dreads and the trip in particular are drawing me (and others) closer to Christ.
God is not against us having things in our life that bring us joy…even extreme, laugh out loud joy. He is my Father…He longs to give good gifts and longs to spend time with me. He rejoices in all things that bring Him glory.
9
2007
You are so right, it seems like human nature to judge by appearances, and we totally need Christ to overcome this tendency that we have. Really when we see someone, we do not know what that person has been thru/what they are going thru, therefore is judgement really fair?Only God knows what we are dealing with.
9
2007
Great post!! I think to that it is worth noting that the stereotype that goes along with the judgement is often false. I have a cousin who wears a mohawk, nose ring and multiple tatoos who is one of the kindest, smartest people I know. But someone on the street would not judge him that way. My brother wears a big beard and his hair is quite long. Again, one of the nicest, hardest working guys you would ever want to meet. Yet, someone who didn’t know him would judge him differently. My point: Judgements will often keep you from getting to the core of who a person is!
10
2007
What a lovely, loving post. You sucked me in with the dreads, because I’ve wished for years that I had the courage to do that with my hair. Then you used that to guide me to a moment of reflection on being more Christ-like in the world. Thank you, for this and everything you write.
10
2007
Great post! I totally agree with you. I recently posted something similar about how we view these stars gone wild, how we need to extend grace and mercy to them.
http://musingsofahousewife.typepad.com/musings_of_a_housewife/2007/06/reluctant_icons.html
And you have the CUTEST blog!! (I came here from Making Home.)
10
2007
As an older mama who has from birth marched to the beat of a different drum I applaud you for following your heart and being *you*. I am used to the looks and sometimes people even whisper about me or laugh at all of the bumper stickers on our family car. You know what these instances have done for me? They have grown a huge compassionate heart for others who are eccentric/different in ways even unique to me.
We live in a very conservative small town. We’ve been here 4 years and I can tell people still aren’t used to the hippie family.
10
2007
Kim…you make a wonderful point. One that I forgot to mention but I was thinking about it! When you go from looking relatively normal to “different”, you realize how YOU yourself used to look at those who were different. I have such a soft heart now for those who dare to go against societal norms. Or those who stand out by no choice of their own (i.e. those with birth deformities, etc.).
Keep beatin’ that drum mama
10
2007
Exactly Sara!
And,I don’t think I could stop beatin this drum now even if I tried.
10
2007
we all need to see our “oneness with humanity”…instead of viewing ourselves as the elite, the enlightened, the spiritual, the entitled, etc…when we realize that we are JUST like everyone else with the same sin tendencies as everyone else with the same needs/insecurities/drives as everyone else we can have more compassion. When we elevate ourselves above another and look down on them, we are deceiving ourselves. There but for the grace of God go I….
I have been learning these lessons the very hard and humbling way…and although i am grateful, it is painful to see how prideful my heart has been/is.
10
2007
Thank you for writing this blog. I’ve been so inspired by your blog/life for months now…and this blog – well, you are preaching to me!!!
Our sermon last sunday touched a bit on judgement as well, and i’ll admit i am a VERY judgemental person and i feel so convicted by it and really want to submit those thoughts to Jesus – like you said.
Reading your blog forced me to send my uncle and apology letter for this fight we’ve been in – due to me passing judgement on him. I hope he accepts my apology and sees it as sincere.
I bought “Battlefield of the Mind” a couple months ago and keep stopping reading it shortly after i start (the Devil, i’m sure!) and i think i’ll pick it up again today. I really need to work on this…
Thanks again Sarah!
10
2007
You know, I’ve been shocked recently to realize how many people stare at me as I walk around in public with my head covered. Not so much when it’s just a bandana, but anything more than that, and it’s like I have three heads.
Though I also catch myself staring at other covered ladies, but not with a judgemental eye, more of a trying to swipe their scarf tying techniques.
I used to get a lot of stares when Wally was still a baby and I was wearing him in the sling, which was not as common then as it is now. I chose to view those stares as stares of envy, curiousity, or admiration.
But my challenge is in how I view those who parent in a more mainstream way than I do. I tend to judge harshly those who will let their babies cry, for example. Clearly something to work on.
11
2007
While wearing your hair unique does set you apart, it was a personal decision to take on the dreads. Many people are set apart or different by race, or facial features that is not a choice, some have burdens they have to carry for life, and will have a life of scrutiny, scorn, and mockery. I think it’s wonderful to try and relate, but I remind my kids to see with their hearts, and to know that unless we truly walk in their shoes, we can only imagine and empathize.
When we were open to Gods will in regards to adoption, I read a lot online, especially Korea the country we were considering. Many talked about how the journey was really enlightenment. Those with blonde hair, were stared at, sometimes pet, and treated differently. How strange and insecure it felt to be in the minority. I can only imagine as I’ve lived in the midwest my entire life.
A few years ago, I started saying in my head ‘Jesus loves them’ whenever someone would upset me, or come across as uncouth or what-have-you. It really helped me to become more friendly, open, and an even a more considerate driver. It’s hard to be horribly awful when you are reminding yourself that Jesus loves them.
11
2007
Sara,
Thank you so much for this jolt of inspiration. I think it really comes down to making a conscious effort everyday to get outside ourselves and think about the way we treat others. Right now I am reading The Girl in the Tangerine Scarf. It is an amazing story of a young Muslim women living in America. It gives her detailed account of what life is like for her growing up in a world where she is always “different.” A great read.
Thank you for consistently sharing your story with us. You are truly an inspiration and should be very proud. Your daughter is lucky to have such an open minded mother such as yourself. I hope to be a mother one day and know that I will think about your blog.
I was wondering how you felt about the role organized religious beliefs play into the judgments of our society today. A heavy question I know, but I would really love to read your opinion on the matter. I think it would make for an interesting discussion.
12
2007
Hi Sara, this is my first time commenting, but I have been inspired by your blog for quite a while, now!
Going along with what Lynds wrote… I believe that being set apart and judged because of physical features characteristic of your ethnic background is completely different (and far more difficult to deal with) than being set apart and judged because of dreads or any other chosen physical attribute. As a multiracial person, I have always felt set apart from the rest of society since I did not perfectly fit into any of the major categories. Thankfully, I now live in a diverse metropolitan area where it is increasingly common to see multiracial families and people. But whenever we travel to visit my in-laws in homogenous rural Virginia, I get plenty of stares from people who are trying to figure out what the heck I am! And there’s nothing I can do about it because I did not choose to be born with black hair, yellowish skin, and slanty eyes. A hairstyle, on the other hand, can always be changed.
12
2007
Thanks Lynds and Katie for bringing up very good points. Racism and discrimination are different types of judgment altogether…and I can’t claim to know how either of those feel. Thank you for the insight…you’ve given me much to think about.
13
2007
In September 2001 my husband and I were living in London. The 9/11 attacks happened about 10 days before the start of the Jewish high holidays, which is the most intense time of the year for Jews spiritually.
I frankly did not feel like embarking on that journey to introspection and forgiveness and repentance that year, because I was so angry and shocked about what had happened.
We used to listen to BBC Radio a lot in London. That week when the Jewish holidays were about to begin, they broadcast an address by Rabbi David Sacks, who is the chief rabbi in Great Britain.
He was talking about the Hebrew scriptures, but I imagine that what he said would be largely true for the New Testament as well.
He mentioned that in the Bible, we are commanded once to love our neighbor, but we are commanded to love the stranger something like 30 times.
This makes sense, he explained, because it is a lot easier to love our neighbors than it is to love the stranger who may seem to have nothing in common with us.
The whole radio address was good, but that part really made me think.
13
2007
And speaking of Britney, I feel extremely sorry for her and for her children. Even without having any particular medical expertise, it seems likely to me that she is suffering from severe post-partum depression. Her babies have had to endure a lot of separation from their mother already.
13
2007
I hate to admit it but I stare. I don’t mean to its just my sinnful nature I suppose. However when I catch myself doing this here is how I deal with it….
I work at a fitness center and a person that, Ill just say it, has some type of disability often comes in. She is so outgoing and kind but she often wears clothes that don’t fit how my clothes fit, shes does crazy things with her hair, she sometimes even smells bad.
One day she came in and asked me to weigh her. I looked at the girl I was working with like why me and rolled my eyes…. I’m ashamed to tell that story but it is true.
Right away I felt guilt. Who am I to judge this beautiful person, that has never been anything but kind to me. To think of her as a bother.
Now everytime I feel myself judging I think to myself..” What if this is Jesus”. I know everything that we do is recorded by God and someday I want to feel good about the way I treat stangers. I know if I treat them like they are Jesus in disguise I will be respectful, caring, and kind as I should always be to everyone.
So feel free to give it a try, works everytime for me!
13
2007
Sara, I was just reading an article about Paul McCartney in The New Yorker magazine.
The reporter spent a few days with him in London and recounts several stories about strangers accosting McCartney and somtimes shoving things into his hand to autograph. McCartney was surprisingly gracious with these people.
At one point the article says, “The speed and violence with which the fan had accosted McCartney was jarring, and I remarked that the man could have been another Mark David Chapman [the man who killed John Lennon].”
McCartney replied, “Yeah, or it could have been Jesus, come to give a blessing.”
20
2007
You have a REALLY GREAT blog! I am so glad I happened upon it tonight while folling blogrolls…. (((((HUGS))))) sandi
9
2007
I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100% regarding of Mercy, but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong
23
2007
What a thoughtprovoking post! I can relate to you. I’m not someone who blends in, loud, over the top, passionate, etc. I so want dreads for that freeing, spiritual, experience. I would love to converse about your dreads, how, why, etc. via email if you are willing.
10
2008
I’m so glad I found your blog.
I agree with you on so very many things. We’re kindred spirits, I think.
Hugs,
Lady In the Making
5
2009
Well, in reading this post, it sounds like she is talking about me! Even in my “senior” years of age, I am still trying to work on my “mouth”….and I will continue to do so. Thank you so much for sharing this one. I really needed to read it. It is good.
Blessings,
One of His