Oct
3
2007
3
2007
Kind and Wise
Filed under: Following Jesus, Scripture, Self-Discipline
As I look back through my past prayer journals…I see a definite trend in things that I struggle with. One of those things is my mouth. It seems over and over throughout my life that my mouth has gotten me into trouble. Starting when I was a teenager 
Boy, was I sassy. And on into my 20′s, my mouth kind of stayed with me. I don’t think I thought I was ever hurting anyone directly with my words, but even the TONE of voice I may have used toward someone, or a bit of sarcasm falling on sensitive ears…they all have negative effects. It carries over into my relationship with my family as we discuss topics that we may not all agree on and I really want to get my point across. It carries over into my marriage…when I let my mouth speak to Matt before my mind/heart has caught up to it. It carries over into my relationship with Bella…when I can all too often get frustrated and use an impatient tone with her when I’m in a hurry to get something done.
I could make excuses all day about why I am the way I am. I’m “passionate”. I’m “outgoing”. I have “strong opinions”. But the truth is, Jesus doesn’t care about the excuses. His standard for our speech is so much higher than an explanation of “why I did it”. I’ve read that the “mark of a spiritually mature woman” is that she has tamed her tongue. Oh…LORD!! How I long to be spiritually mature. I want all of my words to be only WISE & KIND! I want my words to be GENTLE!
Words are powerful. They have the ability to tear families apart. But they also have the ability to mend broken hearts and relationships. They can completely rip away at someone’s self-esteem. But they can also be used to encourage and support. Jesus had MUCH to say about the words that come from our mouths.
Proverbs 17: 27
He who has knowledge spares his words,
And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.James 3:2-12
For we all stumble in many ways. If someone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect individual, able to control the entire body as well. And if we put bits into the mouths of horses to get them to obey us, then we guide their entire bodies. Look at ships too: Though they are so large and driven by harsh winds, they are steered by a tiny rudder wherever the pilot’s inclination directs. So too the tongue is a small part of the body, yet it has great pretensions. Think how small a flame sets a huge forest ablaze. And the tongue is a fire! The tongue represents the world of wrongdoing among the parts of our bodies. It pollutes the entire body and sets fire to the course of human existence – and is set on fire by hell.
For every kind of animal, bird, reptile, and sea creature is subdued and has been subdued by humankind. But no human being can subdue the tongue; it is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord, and Father, and with it we curse people made in God’s image. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. These things should not be so, my brothers and sisters. A spring does not pour out fresh water and bitter water from the same opening, does it? Can a fig tree produce olives, my brothers and sisters, or a vine produce figs? Neither can a salt water spring produce fresh water.Proverbs 13:3
He who guards his mouth preserves his life,
But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.Proverbs 21:23
Whoever guards his mouth and tongue
Keeps his soul from troubles.James 1:26
If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.Luke 6:45
A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
Just a quick glance through these verses is enough to make me fall to my knees! Our words CONTROL our lives, set the tone for our day, and give credibility to our faith. The last sentence of the last passage is so convicting…if my mouth is speaking from the abundance or “overflow” of my heart, what is truly in my heart? Have I let Jesus come completely in and wash away all of the negativity, anger, envy, impatience…?
“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. These things should not be so, my brothers and sisters. A spring does not pour out fresh water and bitter water from the same opening, does it?” How often have we been speaking harshly/”cursing” to someone in our immediate family and when a stranger or friend comes near, we start speaking “blessing”? When we switch back and forth like that, what does it say about our character? And about our relationship with God?
I know without a doubt that when I have neglected my spiritual life and my time in God’s word…my mouth starts to get sassy. I start to speak with negative words and with harsh tones. The inward “words” I allow myself to think are affected as well. When I am in God’s word consistently, HIS words fill my heart. HIS words come to mind in a hard situation. HIS words bring LIFE.
I want to start examining my speech with a fine-toothed comb…weeding out anything that is not pleasing to Him. I only want to say words that are wise and kind…and most of all, spoken with a gentle spirit. It’s not human nature to be those kind of things all the time…so it’s only by the power of the Holy Spirit that I will be able to accomplish it. Sometimes I physically have to “bite my tongue” to stop from saying the first thing that comes to my mouth. It’s definitely an exercise in self-control….that’s why it’s called TAMING the tongue. A rule we try to live by at our house…”don’t ever say the first thing that comes to mind. Or the second. The third thing is usually the best.” And of course, you could just not say anything at all…and that’s ok. It gives your heart time to catch up.
Speak truth today. Speak wisdom today. Speak kindness today. Speak gentleness today. You’ll be amazed at the change in your family life/relationships and ALL of the situations you encounter.
Posted by Sara @ 1:21 am | Leave a Comment
3
2007
sara–i have been reading your site for probably about a year now. i find many of your words encouraging and well thought out. anyways, this is something i have been convicted about for a few months now. i ask God all the time to help me be more gentle and wise with my mouth. Reading those verses this morning were exactly what I needed to read today.
3
2007
WOW! you speak the TRUTH! Keep speaking it! i am blessed and encouraged. thanks!
3
2007
Sara,
I can so identify with this article- your struggles, God’s conviction, all of it.
For me it’s not so much sassiness as just critical words… a judgmental heart… words that condemn rather than give life.
Thanks for writing this article. His Word brings life, and our words ought to too.
Jess
3
2007
Wow. I want to thank you so much for this. This is something I constantly struggle with also. I am much, much better with my *words* than I used to be, but my tone of voice sometimes, yikes.
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and you’ve been a huge source of inspiration for me. Thanks for writing
)
3
2007
Sara,
I found your blog a little over a year ago. It has now become my homepage. You have caused me to THINK! You continue to inspire me. Today’s post is EXACTLY what I need. I’ve been making excuses for my mouth for over 30 years now!Keep on writing! I hope the tour ends up in Lexington, Ky sometime!!!!!
3
2007
Thank you, Sara, for this post. Just what I need to read before my children wake up for the day. I am pretty careful with my words…but my tone, especially with my children, can be awful. My eyes too. I really want to stop with the glaring and reproachful looks. It’s just ugly. Thank you for the encouragement and bringing us back to His word.
3
2007
This is something I have struggled with for a long time – since I was about 10 or 11. It is so *easy* for me to be critical, judgmental, harsh, unkind, etc.
Something that has helped me is constantly reminding myself of the fruits of the Spirit. I repeat them to myself all the time to remember how I’m to be toward others: patient, gentle, loving, kind, etc.; and how my attitude should be. This is especially helpful with regards to ds and dh.
It really takes everything in me plus the Holy Spirit to watch my words – and praise God I’ve been so much better about it in the last few years.
Thanks for yet another great post!
3
2007
This really spoke to me today. I too have struggled with my mouth FOREVER. I think I learn, then I have to learn again. God is so merciful with me and my mouth..and yet so loving to teach and correct me.
Thank you Sarah for sharing your heart!
3
2007
Great post! I always find uplifting words on your blog. Sometimes I need to just ask myself before I speak, “Is what I’m about to say really necessary?” I would have spared a lot of feelings had I only asked that simple question!
3
2007
Sara, It is amazing how your blog sometimes is so relavent to my own life! I struggle to keep from yelling at my kids and swearing. I am ashamed to say! But I have such hope after reading this that there is healing thru Christ for whatever we are struggling with! I can’t wait to see you when you come to South Carolina! Love Kate
3
2007
Great Blog… Bear,
We are all mentors of people and you certainly are today. Thanks!
Even Dads can be mentored to… especially in reminding us to be kind, wise and slow to speak. At my age, that is exactly what I should be every moment of the day.
Thanks for the reminder.
God Bless
Love Dad
3
2007
I have always quoted the Proverb:
Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
That verse is always a great reminder to me to ask myself “am I hurting or healing with my words right now?”
My struggle is often talking TOO much, interrupting others, thinking of the next thing I want to say and to be heard…not enough listening, pausing, focusing on the other person. I am wanting to love others more these days by asking questions more, listening, and biting my tongue when I constantly want to interject!!
3
2007
Sara As I read your article, My heart was so blessed. We are so blessed to have you as our daughter-in-law. You have a heart that is beautiful God is useing you. We are so proud of you… love mom and dad
3
2007
oh yeah…I saw a great bumper sticker the other day that said:
“Whatever you do…is it necessary, truthful, and kind?”
It would also be great to insert “say” in the place of the word “do”!
3
2007
Hey friend…
I often think about my tongue as well and if what I speak is coming from my heart then I want everything in my heart to be pleasing to God as well. And also that my passions and intrests in life don’t overtake my heart, even though they can be good things, causing me to think about them more than Him. Ohh the human nature in me!
4
2007
I struggle to remain calm with my four-year-old some days, and it is terrible to hear my own angry words toward him.
I can’t remember where I read that the things we least tolerate in our children are the things we dislike in ourselves. When I can take a deep breath and remember that, it is easier for me to keep my words and my tone gentle with him.
In general, I find I lose my temper more easily when I am sleep-deprived. When I am well-rested, it is rare for me to say anything I regret.
4
2007
On a different but related subject, I recently attended a bat mitzvah (that is a coming-of-age ceremony for 13-year-old Jewish girls–a bar mitzvah is the same for boys).
Part of this ceremony is reading/chanting from the Torah, the five books of Moses. The bar or bat mitzvah usually gives some kind of speech related to those Bible verses as well. The portion for the week of this girl’s bat mitzvah was a chapter of Deuteronomy in which Moses warns the Hebrews of the horrible things that will happen to them if they do not obey God’s laws.
This girl counted 65 curses in the Torah portion. I was following along with the Hebrew in a book that also had the English translation. Honestly, parts of the chapter read like a Monty Python routine. The list of horrible things is so long, and some of the things described are so gruesome that they seem absurd (mothers will eat their own newborn children and then eat the afterbirth).
The commentary I was reading noted that just before this chapter of Deuteronomy, Moses tells the Hebrews about all the good things that await them if they obey God after entering the Promised Land. That list wonderful things is much shorter than the list of curses that follows, though.
At the lunch following the bat mitzvah I was talking with several people about this Torah portion. Why was this elaborate and long list of curses needed? Did God think that no one would listen to Him unless Moses gave these graphic warnings?
Why not just give the Hebrews positive reasons to obey (as in other verses, e.g. the Torah is “a tree of life to those who hold it fast”)? Why not urge the Hebrews to obey out of remembrance and gratitude for how God led them out of Egypt?
Needless to say, we didn’t figure it out except to conclude that the human conception of God today is pretty different from what it was thousands of years ago. Deuteronomy is a tough book and definitely not my favorite.
Words spoken in love and kindness will do more to shape behavior than threats.
4
2007
Wow I needed this!!!
I lashed into my husband the night before and went a bit too far
I opened your blog in the morning and said someones sending me a message
Your truly inspiring
I have been reading your blog for a while as earlier this year my family tried selling our home and living simpler and I ran into you blog on the internet. Unfortunately, we are in a rural area of PA and the housing market is not moving so we are stuck. We have to drive for miles to stores and shops etc.
We truly enjoy following your voyage.
4
2007
Sara, this is so, so true. Thanks for sharing this wisdom.
4
2007
Sara,
This is something I have struggled with for my whole life as well. I am right there with you. Thank you for this post & for such a great blog.
I missed you in MI, I am so sad about that. Good Luck with your trip!
4
2007
I am working on a post that deals with this topic, but from a slightly different angle. What you wrote is so right on, that I can create a link to here from my post, once I get it up. It goes really well with what I have been thinking about. Thank you for your honesty, for the reminder and for speaking truth!
5
2007
[...] Yike October 5, 2007 Filed under: Our Family, Self-Reflection, working — sarahtar @ 3:23 am Wow if I’m not feeling convicted by a recent post by my friend Sara. [...]
5
2007
Sara, I’m so glad you blogged about this! This is something that I’ve struggled with all of my life. It’s so easy to speak before truly thinking about what we say sometimes. I’m really trying to work on making all of my words (and actions) thoughtful, wise, and kind. Thanks again!
Melanie
5
2007
I struggle with this very thing. In fact I have over compensated for it by not talking at all with people who do not know me well. I like writing for the simple reason that I can think it through and change it before I press send or pop it in the mailbox. One more way you inspire me, sweets.
5
2007
Wow..tears welled up on that one. I see what my tongue has caused and it makes me sad. I can only move forward with God. I pray right now that my speech will be only a delight to the Lord. Thank you, Sara.
5
2007
Thanks, Sara, for your honest and insightful post. For so long in my marriage, I always thought that if I felt strongly about something, that meant that I needed to say it to my husband. Whoa, I can’t tell you how much strife and hurt that caused! That being said, of course, there are times when it is right to bring something difficult up to one’s spouse. BUT (and I strongly emphasis the but for a reason) I’ve learned the hard way that it’s so beneficial to do this AFTER I’ve had time to pray and discern my own heart first, then wait and pray some more, and then after all that, decide it the matter is still something that I need to bring up.
Laurie B.–I’m currently in a Bible study on Deuteronomy and I’d love to try to answer some of the questions that you raised in regards to why God gave the Israelites warnings before they entered the Promise Land. I’ll get to this soon!
6
2007
Hi Sarah B., I’m interested in your interpretation. To clarify, I understand why some warnings are there, but find it odd that the warnings are so graphic and so much more lengthy than the promises of good things that will happen if they follow God’s word.
I was thinking, maybe the warnings are there because the Hebrews who had been slaves in Egypt couldn’t understand anything but threats and horrors. And hadn’t they already proven themselves to be unworthy–after all, we are dealing with people who wanted to worship a golden calf, even after everything God did for them.
But one of my friends pointed out that they spent 40 years in the desert precisely so that the generation who had been slaves in Egypt would die out before they got to the Promised Land. (It doesn’t take 40 years to walk from Egypt to Israel). Moses delivers these 65 curses right before they enter the Promised Land, so presumably he was talking mostly to people who had never been slaves themselves.
My husband and I have joked that we need to make sure our sons’ bar mitzvahs are not scheduled during the time of year when the Torah portion is in Deuteronomy. Though there are some real doozies in Leviticus as well.
8
2007
I cannot tell you how this speaks to me. I was referred to you by tiffany at bamboo sprouts. She sent me to see your awesome home pics…but I had no idea what I would find in your words. Seriously, my jaw dropped because you are speaking the truth of my own life. And so eloquently. I need to allow Christ to change my heart and mouth. You said it so well. My husband read one of my blog posts the other day and was offended by my language. I was very upset with him for having and opinion of what I should be writing in my own journal/blog. I was wrong. The language in my blog reflects wat has been in my heart. Thank you for sharing this, I too have been increadibly convicted. Our sermon today was about getting into His Word…your post is very confirming of the message.
10
2007
this was a great post sara!
i too struggle with “taming my tongue”. and i really want to be spiritually mature as well. so often i blab on about stuff, and later, in the quiet of my own room, etc. i just feel overcome with guilt. blech.
this post was a real encouragement. thanks!
10
2007
Thanks, Sara. I’ve been working hard on my character this year. I realized I needed to take time to cool down and give people the benefit of the doubt. My words were often kinder then. Of course, sometimes I still fail — but I like the idea of focusing on the words and tones themselves and asking myself, “How does this sound?” And your rule of saying not the first or second thing but the third that comes to mind. I’m going to try it and hope I make even more progress!
15
2007
I found your blog by clicking on related feeds through Bloglines. I read a bit, then read a bit more and then read a bit more. I’ve been lost spiritually for a few years but am slowly finding my way back to finding what it is I need to find. I’m getting there. I liked your post today. In French we have a saying one must turn thier tongue 7 times before speaking. I must take that advice. My favorite part about todays post…
{{ I only want to say words that are wise and kind…and most of all, spoken with a gentle spirit. }}
Wonderful words to live by.
19
2007
Thank you for this wisdom. Thank you for sharing this struggle because I struggle with it too. Something so simple and beautiful…I want to try harder.
25
2007
Look at all these comments and all the people you inspire! You are awesome! I always look forward to your posts.
29
2007
There’s a good book out called “30 Days to Taming Your Tongue” by Deborah Smith Pegues and published by Harvest House. I’m on Day 1/4 but hey… it’s a start.
Thanks for the inspiring post.
31
2007
Hey girl,
I love this post and have read it a couple times since you posted it… now I need a new post:) Miss you!
1
2007
Sara-get over here and post something dang it. We all fell in love with ya here!!!
2
2007
very well put!!
15
2007
Thank you for the reminder about my mouth. Yes it gets me in trouble and yes, I need to trust Him to help me with it. I need the guidance to watch my words and think WWJD.
9
2008
Oh man. Did I ever need to read this post today. Thankyou so much. I am so glad I stumbled upon this!