Jan
23
2009
23
2009
Q & A: Round Two
Filed under: Q & A
Here is round two of the Q & A..thanks to all of you for the great questions!
Molly asked:
“Now that you are living “larger” than before (though still not “large” by any means), how do you resist the temptation to over accumulate?”
The one thing that keeps my desires to buy, buy, buy in check…is staying on a cash budget. I mentioned this in the last Q & A post, but it’s worth saying again! When I have an exact amount of cash that I can spend that week, I turn into the most frugal girl around! 
I take out cash for 3 things: groceries, dining out/coffee (we go out once a week after church as a family tradition), and misc. expenses. The rest is automatically debited from our checking (all bills, etc.). I write checks for a few things…like rent and tithing. I also try to stay out of places that I know are tempting for me…Target, Pier 1, World Market…ETSY! I still love pretty things…and believe that it’s my job as a wife and mother to create an inviting and warm home for my family. It’s just a matter of planning, budgeting, buying used, etc. It also helps that I seem to have gotten a lot of my “spend” mentality out of my system in my early college years. I racked up a crazy amount of credit card debt on silly things and it was very difficult to pay off. I never want to have to go through that again! We don’t have any credit cards at all…and if we do take out a loan for something, it’s with great deliberation and prayer.
We also believe that everything we have is God’s…and that it’s just on loan to us. That includes our paychecks! It’s a much different way of thinking when you are just taking care of God’s resources for Him…that they were never yours to begin with.
Lindsay asked:
“I would love to hear about how you and Matt are able to have such a good relationship.”
I attribute our healthy relationship to three things:
- Our love of God and our desire to glorify Him by following a scriptural view of marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33)
For us, this means that Matt is the head of the household and I am his helper. He is ultimately responsible to God for the spiritual, financial, and emotional health of our family…and I release him into that role by submitting to him. When I say submitting, it doesn’t mean that we aren’t a team. We have mutual respect for each other, but when it comes down to it, I will always defer to him. In any decision that we make, we will discuss it together and hear each others views and go from there. If we are still having trouble deciding, HE is the one who will have to make the decision and be accountable for it. This is not always easy…because I have a more “dominant” personality … compared to Matt’s easy-going demeanor But it is absolutely the best way for us…when there are “two bosses” , life gets rather difficult! - We spend A LOT of time together.
Matt and I are best friends…and it’s been that way since we met 10 years ago. I LOVE being with him…he’s funny, charming, generous, and resourceful. We have lived in very small spaces together…which helps you to either love or hate someone! Obviously, we came out on the love side. We know each others quirks and rhythms like we know our own. And most importantly, we never go to bed angry! I can’t even remember a time when we’ve stayed upset at each other for more than 5 minutes. So…we talk, we laugh, we plan, we dream…TOGETHER. - We kiss…and stuff.
Physical touch is extremely important to a marriage and it is THE WAY that men feel valued and loved. For women, it’s usually different. Talking and connection emotionally is more important than touch. I try very hard to be available to Matt whenever he wants to be physical with me, because I know that is so important to his self-esteem and also his perception of our relationship. It’s also biblical! See 1 Corinthians 7:5. This is a topic that I could go on and on about…but just know this: when we aren’t making love on a regular basis for whatever reason, we don’t have a very happy home life. God created us for intimacy with our spouse and it’s an amazing gift…not one that we use to manipulate with, but one that we can enjoy together.
Sarah D. asked:
“What do you do for health insurance?”
The last time we had health insurance was when we were working full time in the corporate world (2006). Since then, we haven’t had any. To some, this may be foolish…but for us, it’s the right decision. We have looked into several options for “catastrophic” insurance…the kind that would cover you if you had a huge medical bill, but for nothing else. But even that monthly payment was more than we wanted to spend. We have a chosen a more pro-active approach to our health care…eating a clean vegetarian diet, being active, chiropractic care, sleeping , washing our hands a lot, etc … all things that help a person stay out of the doctor’s office. And it’s worked for now. I don’t even remember the last time we went to the doctor for an illness. Of course, we know that doing these things is not a guarantee that we will avoid a serious car accident or some other unforeseen chronic or terminal illness…but if something like that happened, we would deal with it. I just have a real problem paying thousands of dollars a year to a corrupt insurance system…just IN CASE something might happen. Consider these findings from a 2005 Harvard study on bankruptcies related to medical bills:
The study estimates that medical bankruptcies affect about 2 million Americans annually — counting debtors and their dependents, including about 700,000 children. Surprisingly, most of those bankrupted by illness had health insurance. More than three-quarters were insured at the start of the bankrupting illness. However, 38 percent had lost coverage at least temporarily by the time they filed for bankruptcy.
Today’s health insurance policies — with high deductibles, co-pays, and many exclusions — offer little protection during a serious illness. The paradox is that the costliest health system in the world performs so poorly. We waste one-third of every health care dollar on insurance bureaucracy and profits while two million people go bankrupt annually and we leave 45 million uninsured. said Dr. Quentin Young, national coordinator of Physicians for a National Health Program.
After reading about these types of findings…I don’t put too much confidence in having insurance for preventative measures. I do realize that we are very blessed to not have any serious health issues that we need to take daily medications for…something that like that would obviously change how we would handle this issue. But for now, we will continue to pay out of pocket for any needs that arise (i.e. homebirth, etc.). On another note…we DO have pretty substantial life insurance for both of us and have had that since we got married.
Posted by Sara @ 12:51 am | Leave a Comment
25
2009
hey sara! love your blog, thanks for sharing your life and stories with us. here’s a link to a great new place i read about & thought you might like to see
http://www.nwanews.com/bcdr/Area/67378/
have a great night! sara
25
2009
I love how you are answering questions. Your relationship with Matt is awesome. Great job to both of you.
25
2009
I just wanted to say that I totally appreciate your comments on a wife’s Biblical role in marriage (specifically regarding her relationship with her husband). It’s refreshing to hear it said “out loud”.
26
2009
i loved your answers regarding your relationship with Matt. SOOO many women just don’t see the benefit in this role. they take the word submission and run off screaming! but it is such a beautiful thing. I am VERY facinated by your heathcare situation. I have run across several articles on this topic lately that has made us take a long look at the actual cost of healthcare.
lOVE THIS BLOG SARA…ITS FANTASTIC AND ALWAYS INSPIRATIONAL!
26
2009
Thanks for sharing about your relationship, As always it’s an inspiration.
26
2009
Whoa. I must say that this submission thing came as a shock to me! I’m trying hard to understand it, as you seem to be very happy in your marriage. But, what if your husband decided that the family was going to become a meat-eating family? Or that he did not want you to continue with your blog?
26
2009
our insurance situation and beliefs are exactly the same, except we have 6 kids, 7-31yrs. old and have never had it. people try to scare us sometimes with the “one accident could wipe you out” statement, but we also believe we would deal with it AND the LORD is awesomely reliable amd protects us.my husband cut his leg pretty severely last year and we ended up with 4 bills and just routinely and faithfully paid the monthly amount WE decided we could afford. worked so far.the reason we ended up with 4 bills was because of the extreme incompetence of several doctors and an emergency room staff, over a cut, VERY SCARY. just thought you would like to know your beliefs on health insurance and health has worked for others as well and we feel the same way, but we are the exception, maybe.
26
2009
Hi Sarah,
This post on your blog was very thought provoking (as usual). I really like reading your blog, and reflecting on the food for thought.
It does seem like you and your husband have a very good relationship.
I read with much interest about what you wrote on scriptural marriage, where the husband is ultimately responsible to God for the spiritual, financial, and emotional health of the family.
I am wondering if you and your husband have had fundamental things that you disagree on (such as lifestyle changes) and, if so, how this has been worked out?
I definitely like the idea of a spiritual marriage, but it seems that my husband and I have differences of opinion on fundamental things. My husband is not a religious or spiritual person at all, and does not see his role as provider of our family.
27
2009
Love this post! Your thoughts about insurance have really helped me! During our time in Europe, we had access to socialized medicine. Not a good thing, in my opinion, but if we NEEDED a doctor, it was nice to know we had easy access to medical care and that it would not later appear as a bill to be paid. I am NOT an advocate of socialized medicine, however. Lots of reasons for that but I won’t go into them here. Having said that, when we moved back to the States last year I was concerned about this issue. I knew that since we are in full time ministry, we would not have the easy way out of medical insurance through my husband’s job and we cannot afford to pay out of pocket for insurance. So we have none. And God is helping us! He is faithful! I loved your comments about taking care of yourself regarding eating well and being wise in regard to your own and your family’s health, and trusting God for the “unforeseen” or the “biggies.” I believe God is in that. Not that He “helps those who help themselves,” (that’s not in the bible!) but that we are accountable and need to be good stewards of the temple He’s given us. Just want to say you have greatly encouraged me and born witness to our decision to not worry about this stuff! Keep it up, Sara…you are amazing and an amazing encourager!
Just another quick thought and then I’ll stop this LOOONG comment! (hehe) I am glad you’re not on the road anymore…it means you are posting on your blog more! Purely selfish on my part, but I’m honest! LOL. I do wish I could have spent more time with you when you were here and come to know you better but it wasn’t to be. Seasons of life, ya know!
27
2009
Just an addendum to my previous comment to clarify…God doesn’t help those who help themselves. He helps the helpless! I’m so thankful for his love and grace. I certainly can’t get it all together without Him!
27
2009
Thanks for what you said about health insurance – I haven’t had it for almost a year now and it stresses me out somewhat, especially since we want to have a baby sometime soon. It’s good to see a family who hasn’t let something like insurance get in the way of life!
30
2009
Hello! It’s been a little while since I stopped by to read. I love your content – mixing it up with James and real life stuff (money, etc.) and all.
My husband and I switched from insurance to using a “share” kind of program (perhaps you’ve already looked into that as well!) called Samaritan Ministries. Since we hope to have more children and hope to have homebirths, we see it as a “savings account” of sorts for the homebirth (since they will cover a homebirth in full). I thought that I’d mention it just in case you hadn’t heard of it.
30
2009
Hi! I loved this post. I don’t know if it’s something you would be interested in at all, but if you could write some future posts more in length about your beliefs regarding family and marriage that would be wonderful. As someone mentioned before, no one ever talks about it in a way that doesn’t come across as a religious zealot so your perspective is really refreshing and affirming.
30
2009
Hi Kim…I have written about what Proverbs has to say about family/being a wife here:
http://walkslowlylivewildly.com/category/proverbs/
But I will definitely consider writing more in the future!
14
2009
I am currently a member of CHM(Christian Healthcare Ministries). It is a bill sharing group. We are self-emplyoyed and insurance is not cheap. I like the concept of Christians providing for one another’s needs. We haven’t had to submit a bill yet, but I like the idea that my monthly contribution is helping others pay their bills. Check it out online, or email me if you have any questions.
28
2009
I regularly read your blog in my blog reader, but this post is my favorite of all time. I printed it out and my wife and I have sat down and discussed together what you write above. In just a single blog post, you manage to say what most authors attempt in the length of a book. Thanks for sharing in such an open and transparent way that ends up helping missionaries like us.
18
2010
Not sure if you will answer this since the post is so old, but I am wondering what your views on dental health are. Do you ever visit the dentist?