Apr
16
2010
16
2010
Unschooling: A Life of Freedom
Filed under: Inspiration, Unschooling
From the time Bella was born, Matt and I knew that we wanted her to have a rich life experience…and that it wasn’t going to come from spending 7-8 hours a day at school. And even though we were not homeschooled ourselves, it was something that we were excited about and embraced with open arms. But the term homeschooling is quite broad and it became somewhat overwhelming to navigate our options. As Bella approached that “magical age of 5″…we felt pressure to make a decision on a curriculum and get busy learning.
Have you ever noticed how ramped up everyone gets when kids enter kindergarten? It’s like everything before then was a cake walk…their kid was just slacking off until one day BAM, they’re 5 and it’s time to get serious about learning. Letters! Numbers! Reading! Writing! Stress enters the picture and hysteria ensues. * Child’s Play / The Art of Learning
However, the more I researched, the more I found that none of the curriculum were clicking with me. Fellow homeschooling friends would recommend different ideas…but something else kept drawing me in. And that something was something called “unschooling”.
What is unschooling?
Unschooling is a lifestyle of learning. It is a type of homeschooling, but we do not “do school” at home. There are no workbooks, no desks, no memorization, no set “time” for school, and no tests. The child is FREE to pursue their own interests.
Mary Griffith, author of The Unschooling Handbook, defined unschooling this way, ‘[it] means learning what one wants, when one wants, in the way one wants, for one’s own reasons. Choice and control reside with the learner. She may find outside help in the form of parents, mentors, books, or formal lessons, but [she] is the one making the decisions about how best to proceed. Unschooling is trusting that your children are at least as clever and capable as you are yourself.’ (source)
Does this mean that we never help her in her journey of learning and she is just left to figure it all out on her own? No. As her parents, we are responsible for coming alongside her as a partner and providing learning opportunities based on interests…and guiding her if she asks. At this age, most of Bella’s learning is is based around play. But if she expresses interest in something…we will do whatever we can to help her explore that interest.
The biggest difference is that we are not actively “teaching” her. She is learning on her own through life experiences. If, for example, we’re sitting watching the sunset, we don’t launch into a quiz session about the earth’s rotation and the solar system. We sit and enjoy it together and if she asks questions about it (which she usually does!), we can start to discuss it, but it’s not a parent-initiated.
Unschooling as a Lifestyle
For our family, unschooling is a natural extension of the parenting style that we have chosen. Attachment parenting and gentle discipline respects and nurtures the child…and we’ve found that unschooling does the same. We enjoy a very easy “flow” to our family life. While it is not completely free of conflict, we have taken some of the common struggles (sleep and food) out of the picture. Bella does not have a set bedtime, instead she listens to her body and goes to sleep when she is tired and wakes when she wants. We also don’t have a lot of rules and restrictions surrounding food. We do have family meal times, but if someone is hungry before or after a meal or even after teeth have been brushed, we eat. Basically, we treat her with the same respect that we would a guest in our home.
There is an excellent article that goes into more depth on the logistics of an unschooled life here: “From Control to Connection: An Unschooling Journey”.
I also really enjoyed this talk given by Astra Taylor, called “An Unschooled Life”. Her biography reads: Raised by independent-thinking bohemian parents, Taylor was unschooled until age 13. Join the filmmaker as she shares her personal experiences of growing up home-schooled without a curriculum or schedule, and how it has shaped her educational philosophy and development as an artist.
What about “socialization”?
This is one of the questions that comes up a lot…and it’s good to stop and really think about what the word socialization means.
Socialization defined: “a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position”.
Hmmm….being socialized doesn’t sound like something I want for my children. I want them to think OUTSIDE the box, not learn how to follow the “rules” of social position.
What it boils down to, is that school is not teaching children about the real world at all. It does just the opposite. And instead of rambling on about it, please just read this. It spells it all out and is an interesting read.
What about math?
I took college calculus. I don’t use ONE thing that I learned in that class. In fact, I don’t use much of what I learned in high school either. I do use math to cook, go shopping, and figure out how old I am (after you pass 30, you start to forget!) 
My point is that life-learned math is much more applicable to…well….life! And if you run into a situation where you need to divide 68345 by 27, I’m sure a calculator will be nearby. In the case of those who wish to become an engineer or delve into any other math related occupation, they can learn it as they need to. You may want to read this intriguing article about kids learning math easily when they control their own learning. And more interesting thoughts on math here.
What about reading?
Children will learn to read naturally, on their own…in their own way that works for them. It has been said that age 7 is the ‘best’ age for children to start learning to read. Starting them before can be detrimental to their reading habits in some cases. Joyce Fetterol puts forth the idea that “…schools place emphasis on [early] reading not because it’s the best way to learn but because it’s the most efficient way to run assembly line learning.” For more information on unschooling and reading…click here and here.
What about college?
If our children decide to go to college (and it would be fine if they didn’t)…they will learn what they need to learn to achieve that goal. There are many unschoolers doing fantastic in college right now…and there are many who decided to take a faster (and cheaper) route to their dreams.
What about learning discipline?
Discipline, as in SELF-discipline, cannot be forced upon a child. Like adults, it is born out of a passionate desire to achieve. For me, I have self-discipline in my eating because I am passionate about health. I have self-discipline in my language and lifestyle because I am passionate about following Jesus Christ. The discipline was learned on my own because I was excited about these things. It was not something I learned sitting in classroom by being forced to sit and take tests and raise my hand to use the restroom.
What about the laws?
Each state has different laws regarding homeschooling. You can see each state’s regulations here.
That’s All Folks…
Those are my thoughts on unschooling in a nutshell. This could be a 10 part series, because there are so many branches and ideas related to unschooling…but I wanted to give you a brief overview because I’ve had so many questions sent to me about it. Unschooling is something that I’ve grown very passionate about and I look forward to our discussion in the comments! Please share any other unschooling blogs that you love as well…
If you have a general question about unschooling, you may want to check out the starred web links below before commenting…they cover a HUGE range of topics related to unschooling and your question is most likely addressed there.
If you are adamantly opposed to unschooling or homeschooling, please comment with a gentle spirit and know that this is what works for our family and we love it. We are not judging your choices…everyone needs to do what works best for them, and it’s definitely not for everybody.
Unschooling Blogs I Love To Read
The Organic Sister
Child’s Play
The Sparkling Martins
Swiss Army Wife
Web Resources That You Will Read For Hours
Joyfully Rejoycing*
Sandra Dodd’s Site*
The Natural Child
Natural/Non-Coercive Learning (Psychology Today)
What about the Dads?
Not Back to School Camp: I cannot wait for my kids to be old enough to attend this camp. I wish that I would have been an unschooler so I could have gone Be sure to watch the video on the home page.
Books That Will Change Your Life
*When you use these links, I will get a small percentage of the sale. Thanks so much for supporting my site!
Posted by Sara @ 11:42 pm | Leave a Comment
18
2010
living in east europe,i’m not allowed to practise homeschooling or unschooling. i’m not at all satisfied with our regular schools, so i’m going to send my kids to a steiner/waldorf school since i find it less harmful. the only thing i can do is help my kids find out how to ‘self’school, and i think that would put them on the right tack in the educational system.
18
2010
like everything in life some things have advantages as well as disadvantages-and as I have learned with parenting we constantly have to assess were our children are and then make the best decisions for them.
Nothing is ever concrete, and I have learned never to say never-because I have been humbled many times.
Some children thrive on structure, others may not-we all are different.
interesting info.
18
2010
Emily,
It wasn’t that I was behind all the students due to being a poor student. I was actually an excellent student. I got all As and Bs, graduated in the top 10 percent in high school, and got the second highest ACT score in my school the year I graduated.
So, I did pretty well.
What I meant by being behind is that I always had to do a lot of extra steps and extra coursework to catch up.
I did half of my schooling unschooled. Then I went to public school for the other half. And to catch up to the requirements to graduate from highschool was hard. I had to do it in overtime.
And to catch up to the requirements to get into college, that was very difficult too.
And in college I found that I simply could not compete, given my academic background, and graduate in 4 years with the kind of degree I wanted because I was still lagging behind in math and science, basically.
Everything took me, as an unschooled student to start, extra time. I played catch up for what? 11 years of my regularly scheduled / structured schooling for the 7 or so years that I was unschooled.
It certainly marked the experience. And, as I said, I was very determined to get through it, but it was all a struggle.
Obviously, it’s a choice parents have. But what is best for the parents who wish they had been unschooled may not be the best for their child. And maybe it is. Certainly, it does depend on the child and their individual learning style and needs.
I think it takes much thought, research, and re-evaluation year to year.
And I stand by that unschooling will be limiting to those students who do want to get on the college/career track for advanced degrees in the harder sciences. There is so much prep coursework ahead of time that if you aren’t on the public school advanced standards/levels, good or bad, you will run into difficulty when trying to get all the prereq’s done and get into college.
And also, another point is that college coursework, especially lab work, takes so much discipline and is not free study. It’s putting up with rules that maybe don’t fit you that well, but are necessary. Yes, a lot of school, sadly, is jumping through hoops. But it opens up doors to careers you otherwise wouldn’t be able to enter, and also to philosophical thought, as someone else said.
I didn’t know how much I didn’t know until college. I wouldn’t have known what I was missing and didn’t know if I hadn’t gone and jumped through all the hoops.
And much of my career now in academia and research is jumping through hoops, but there’s a lot of good in it too.
I’m just saying that part of the structure and routine and hoop jumping in school actually does prepare you for the real world pretty well if you have a more traditional career.
18
2010
Oh Sara!! This is just what we needed to hear !!! Thank You! This is truly where my heart is and often feel conflicted because of outside pressures. It is so comforting to know that it CAN work and that it is OK to follow our hearts. Also, My kids HATE math (2 are now in Pre-Algebra) and loved what you had to say about a caculator being “near by” They both said, “See,we told you the same thing!” LOL!
19
2010
When I was your kids’ age, I probably would have loved the idea of using a calculator too.
I remember one teacher was a stickler for the old ways, and didn’t allow any calculators in class. Of course, all the kids hated her and her policy.
But we learned a lot. Sometimes a calculator prevents fundamental learning, especially for basic math like multiplication and division.
Now, if you have to take a trig exam in an hour and the hardest part is setting up the equations, the teacher will likely allow a calculator for speedier calculations of the simpler math. That’s when a calculator makes sense.
Or when you’re simply doing business math or consumer math and already know the fundamentals.
But kids still should have a solid understanding of the fundamentals…otherwise subjects like geometry become that much harder, and certainly geometry has so many real life applications.
It’s sort of funny that many unschoolers have a love of the natural world and a desire for back to basics…calculators are a way to learn neither!
19
2010
I am an engineer, one of the main reasons I was able to become one is because of the advanced calculators that did the math for me. I took shortcuts and cheated in my core classes and by the time I realized it later it was very hard to reverse the damage.
This whole concept of unschooling is something I was exposed to only in the past few months. I heard of homeschooling where the parents or computer did a formal program mimicking the classroom but this much freedom? I only could take advantage of that in the summer and weekends. Why my pants did not full time unschool me I don’t know. We were ripe candidates. They traveled extensively, leaving me home for weeks at a time as early as the 6th grade (brothers and others checked on me often.) I was a social outcast, enduring ridicule from my peers. Unschooling would have taken me with them and out of the pathetic peer environment.
I took advantage of my schooling. I took the classes I wanted to take, with only a couple compromises to get the degrees I knew I needed to have, pushing the limits of the administration each time. I knew from 13 years old I would be an engineer. When scheduling high school classes I did not take college prep as recommended. I took shop and interior decorating a foundation I use to this day. I took advantage of community college to catch up on the math as well as to take a series of courses in CAD. I got a job in a machine shop second shift during this time also. I took advantage of my university to get the BS degree I knew wanted. I really pushed the limits of my Masters degree program by gathering together classes from five universities to get me both the education I wanted as well as the Masters of Science title I needed to prove it.
Two things I stand firm on:
In or out of the classroom each person is responsible for their own education.
In or out of the classroom each parent is responsible for their own child’s education.
Ryan
18
2010
great post!
we are mostly relaxed schoolers, sometimes eldest wants to do a math workbook, but most days she doesn’t. and she’s 6 and reading a little, but again, it stresses her out to push her too much so we don’t focus on it much. much to the horror of complete strangers who feel the need to ask her if she can read! haha!
i remember reading a quote one time- but i can’t remember where. anyway, in a nutshell, a parent was remarking how their child was interested in reading at age 3. to which the (waldorf) teacher responded “well, maybe you could interest him in the garden or baking instead”!
i was an elementary school teacher and see now what my gut was telling me when i taught school. each child learns in their own way, at their own pace. better to follow their lead and raise up life long learners rather than squelch their love of learning early on.
so when people ask me now what my curriculum is, i just say, “you know, our focus right now is on the kids LOVING to learn”. that usually buys me some time to make my escape! : )
ok- i have to add one more thing. don’t you find, as an unschooling parent, that you have to be even more proactive in their learning? i mean this. you can’t set up a time for ‘learning’ and then check it off your list later as they’re watching tv and you’re doing your own thing. you always have to be up for teacheable moments, gentle guidance, etc.
18
2010
well said!
18
2010
Margie,
I’m sure that it is true that some kids feel a sense of belonging at school. However, the school does not *need* any one child except as a number for which they get more funding. Also, many kids at school do not feel a sense of belonging. The misfits, the unpopular, the teased and picked on would rather be anywhere else. They often seek a sense of belonging from partying, drugs, sex or any number of fillers. Sometimes they even commit suicide over their lack of belonging.
The lack of feelings of belonging or contribution can surely happen with any type of schooling. However, I believe that the main way for kids to feel important is to be treated like they are important and be respected within their own families. While it is possible to both respect your child, treat them as important, AND send them to public school, it seems rather counter productive.
One of two things have a high likelyhood of happening. The child may get their sense of belonging from school (which really probably means their peers) and then those relationships can become more important, more full filling then the ones they have with their families. Do we really want kids learning all about how to live life from other kids, many of whom we have no idea how their home lives are? The second possiblity is that the child will get mixed messages from home and school. At home, they are important and valued, but at school they are teased, bullied and feel worthless. And they might stop trusting their parent’s claims that they are respected and valued if those same people continue to force them into the majority of their waking hours being somewhere they hate and are treated with disrespect and not valued.
I agree that the things I mentioned were activities, how ever several of those things are on going or for a longer season of life. Some are short, but valuable experiences none the less. How do adults feel a sense of belonging and contribution? Do we need to be at the same job, in the same location, with the same people for 12 years to feel like we are making a difference? (and not allowed to leave if we decided we don’t feel like we belong after all) No! In fact, most people get their greatest satisfaction out of doing things they enjoy- sometimes it’s a job, but more often it’s their night and weekend hobby that they love.
18
2010
Sara and I started our “mothering” days at the same time and I love watching our lives as they twist and turn…both dancing to our own tune. I am a homeschool mama with a Charlotte Mason’ish’ philosophy of learning life. Sara, you are a beautiful mama and I am so thankful that you and I can learn how to best mother our children as friends. Love you friend!
18
2010
Sara*
i don’t know if i have ever commented here.
today i did want to write + say: i heart your blog + i appreciate your voice + i learn much here. thank you.
in joy,
gem
18
2010
“The second possiblity is that the child will get mixed messages from home and school. At home, they are important and valued, but at school they are teased, bullied and feel worthless. And they might stop trusting their parent’s claims that they are respected and valued if those same people continue to force them into the majority of their waking hours being somewhere they hate and are treated with disrespect and not valued.” (Thanks Emily)
That is my childhood to a T. I don’t know if it would have been different if I was home schooled, I will never know. One of my best friends, along with my husband’s best friend, were home schooled up until high school, and they both are very confident, secure people. My friend is a professional dancer (she used to be a figure skater, and being home schooled gave her more freedom to pursue that), following her heart and loving her life. My husband’s friend got way ahead academically by being home schooled, he started and completed high school 2 years early, found it way too easy (but yes, a necessary means to an end), flew through university, and now manages a large business and trades stocks, while also being a very talented drummer. He’s 24. He has himself on a path that will hopefully allow him to “retire” by 35. Both of our friends are big believers in home schooling, which, combined with my husband’s and my bad experiences with public school, has led us to consider home schooling.
I definitely don’t think there is one “right” path for everyone. We as parents just have to do the best we can to make the right decision for our individual kids. And I think as long as we do it with their individual personalities, needs, wants, abilities, aspirations, etc in mind (as well as our family’s needs), and not just because we want to hold to a specific method or idea for our pride’s sake, we will be able to make the right decision. Both institutional and home-based learning have pros and cons, both can be liberating, both can be constricting. I just think it’s great that we have so many options to navigate and find which fits our family/individual kids the best.
I do think having schools is a good thing. It allows many moms who need/want to work to do so. I think our society needs that. I also know, first hand, there are ways around that. I know that you can find a way to work from home (which I have), or on a different schedule. I know that sometimes it is worth it to stay home (which I am doing now). What’s best for your family, should be determined by your family. I also agree with Heidi – “I think it takes much thought, research, and re-evaluation year to year.”
18
2010
P.S. I love your blog, Sara! You are very inspirational. My family is making steps to one day hopefully be able to travel again. I love reading about your journey.
18
2010
Hi Sara,
I am a long time reader here, but I’m not sure if I have ever commented before.
I get so excited when I see people sharing the joys of unschooling with others. I love reading other unschoolers’ blogs and the contagious joy I find there.
Thanks for letting us live vicariously through you on your RV adventure!
18
2010
Hi Everyone,
Great posts! I am someone that chose not to go to high school and am working in health care, so I thought I would throw in my experience.
So a short time line: Waldorf School for every year of grade school and junior high, except public school for 4, 5, 6 grade.
Went I entered in Waldorf 9th grade I was miserable. I didn’t “click” with the teachers, and was having a hard time in general with the teenage transition, I don’t think I learned anything that year. The next year my family made a decision to move to a rural state and the only option was public school at the time. Which being from a big diverse city I thought was he** on earth. So I tried a few weeks of 10th grade, walked out of a few classes because of offensive teachers (using both racist and homophobic terms in their teaching) which because I was a well respected and mostly Waldorf educated child did NOT fly with me. My mom left it up to me what to do next: continue with public or unschool myself. I chose to try unschooling.
So what did I do? I read books. I hiked. I swam. I hung out with a few friends. I got bored. So I decided I wanted to take my GED so I could move on to the next thing, job or college or whatever I decide. I studied on my own for a few months with the GED study guides and passed in the 90% percentile. And I am not advanced by any means. I struggled through 9th grade math, a very basic algebra that anyone could have learned.
At 17 I enrolled in a liberal arts college with a focus on the environment. It was great. I made friends and learned about the stress of writing papers and turning them in and getting college grades. I started to become very interested in health and medicine. I of course had taken very little math and sciences at this point and there was NO WAY I could have gotten into a medical degree program. I decided my focus was going to be maternal child health, in particular Nursing. So basically for the next year I took community college classes (which are cheap and anyone can take). Algebra, Chemistry, Microbiology, more math. And I LOVED IT! I was ready to learn, the teachers liked teaching and the other adults were there to learn to. I was always the youngest one in the class and I did not care. Community colleges have classes that start with VERY basic stuff.
So by 18 I was enrolled in the not quite as good nursing school in our state. I did one year and got a 4.0 GPA and then applied to the nursing school I really wanted to go to. And by the way I did take Statistics (didn’t love it and got a B) and Advanced Anatomy and Physiology (fell in love with it and got an A). Nursing school was not a perfect fit, and being the free soul that I am I decided to narrow my focus and go to Midwifery School. I graduated from that and decided to keep going to school so I went to Acupuncture school. So all in all I went to 2 years of liberal arts, 2 years of nursing, and 8 years of graduate level health care education, 4 years each license. I do not have a masters (although I could easily get one in two more years) because it is not required to practice Midwifery and Acupuncture, but a license and certification is required (every state is different).
So I am a living example of someone that received very little formal math and science at the high school level and did just fine in competitive medical education. I am now a practicing Licensed Midwife, Licensed Acupuncturist. I run my own business that is growing and busy and can easily support myself. At some point I may go back to school to get a Masters in Public health, but right now working feels good.
Hope someone finds this way to long post helpful or inspiring.
Jasmine
19
2010
Jasmine,
Good for you for finding and pursuing your passion.
What you wrote, though, about your path to discovery and what you found is sort of my point, though.
Unschooling is great for finding developing interests and passions, but it might limit the choices you make in terms of study and career training.
Just as you said, you had taken very little math and science at that point, when you discovered your passion, and there was no way you could have gotten into a medical degree program.
That is my point, exactly!
Now, you found another way to pursue your passions, but what if you had really wanted to go into a medical degree program?
I think unschooling sort of limits the choices to those types of programs in community colleges or small independent schools that offer certificate programs.
Liberal arts schools might be more lenient in their entrance requirements and some programs might not have a lot of prerequisites so they might be options, too.
Don’t get me wrong – I don’t think unschooling never works and never works well for anyone.
I do think, in your case and in my case, it shows that we were limited to a range of study in a field we had interest in, and we had to choose a path where we could still meet the degree requirements.
I think for more traditional college program models, and the advanced sciences, especially medicine, but many other disciplines, it is hard to unschooled kids to compete with kids on a more traditional college prep course.
Not that we all want that course.
18
2010
yay for this blog! i am researching unschooling right now for my 13yo twins next year and eventually for my two yo. thanks so much for the inspiration!
19
2010
Margie, I’m sorry, you made a very wide generalization about unschoolers missing out on belonging and having a purpose. The beauty of unschooling is that we are able to form and shape our lives as we see fit. Our family chose to shed almost all of our material possessions in order to free our lives to help our fellow man where ever needed.
My 12 year old son has been involved in a four day life-or-death search and rescue operation, in Scouts, in seven years of intense wrestling with numerous teams (this coming year he has numerous teams lobbying to have him wrestle for them), he volunteers on a daily basis for a nonprofit organization which trains service dogs for the disabled, he belongs to a Lego Robotic Society, he is a member of two homeschool co-ops, and he is a mentor for runners in our local public school cross-country team. He is depended on to contribute and he is looked up to in the community because he has shown himself to be worthy.
I’m sorry, but I really don’t think any child is “needed” at public school! Also, why wouldn’t your daughter’s closest friends be from school if that is where the majority of her time is spent?
19
2010
one of the greatest posts ever. so inspiring!
19
2010
I was THRILLED to find this post today!! My husband and I are in the process of deschooling OURSELVES so that we can fully accept the world as our and our children’s classroom!! This is not going to be an easy task for me but I am still very excited about the journey!
19
2010
????? Hi Sara,
Question for you… with Bella getting to make many of her own decisions about what she wants to do, do you find that you have trouble getting her to do the things that she doesn’t want to do i.e. brush her teeth, take a bath, help pick up toys etc. I’m about to have my first child and I’ve been reading so many different schools of thought about parenting… its very overwhelming. I’m conflicted because I know that our flesh doesn’t always want to do the right thing or the best thing for us and that discipline is important. I really admire you, love reading your blog and when I get a good blender in a couple of weeks I’m going green!! (green smoothies that is) and I’m taking my family with me! : )
Thank you!
19
2010
Sara,
I have followed your blog for a few years now, yours is my favorite. I appreciate your “offbeat” life and perspective, it’s very inspiring.
I have a bachelor’s degree in mathematics and am hoping to work out a way to begin a master’s degree, so obviously I am defensive of this amazing subject
I think your feelings about math are unfortunately the norm in our society. It’s a prevalent attitude in the public schools as well. From my point of view your decision to unschool is a fabulous chance to NOT pass these negative feelings about math onto your children. Higher level math (and physics, chemistry etc.) is such a beautiful thing. It truly expands your mind and forces your brain to work in new ways, and gives the learner an appreciation and intense curiosity about the world and a desire to understand more of the “big” questions about the universe.
All of that to say that I want to gently encourage you to think a bit more about the kinds of thoughts/feelings you want your daughters to have about the hard sciences. It is unfortunate that the most efficient way to learn the foundations of these subjects is in a formal setting, because it really adds to the idea that they are a drudgery and not enjoyable. However, there is a huge amount of mental freedom (to harken back to the title of your post) to be gained when one is able to get past society’s attitude toward mathematics and appreciate and enjoy the beauty of it.
Best wishes on your journey!
20
2010
I agree with everything in this post. Thank you.
19
2010
Everybody and Heidi,
I think I may not have made clear my point in my post, sometimes it is so hard to express yourself in blog posts!
You said: “when you discovered your passion, and there was no way you could have gotten into a medical degree program.”
I should have said, no way I could have gotten into a medical degree program THAT year, I had to do community college for one year to get there.
I needed one year of community college classes to apply and get into a very competitive Nursing program – that was my goal. It took one year of community college to get me up to snuff. I was at least equal and often surpassed my peers in understanding of sciences because I waited until I was really ready to learn, and did not have it taught to me before I was able to take it in. One year of community college as opposed to 4 years of highschool is not a bad trade in my mind. In fact, if I was spending time and struggling through highschool I never would have found my passion so early. I also had pre-med available to me and chose nursing. In fact, when I applied to colleges, being a homeschooler worked to my advantage, generally we are seen as bright and self motivated. I got scholarships and made deans list. Not going to highschool was in no way a disadvantage to me.
So my point is respectfully the opposite of yours Heidi. There is more than one way to learn math and science. 4 years of highschool works for some people, for me it 1 year of community college. I was 19 when entering as a freshman in the nursing program with college experience already under my belt and really clear sense of why I was there, which is more than I can say for many of my peers. Many of them that went to highschool also had to do some community college to be able to apply because it was competitive, we were really in the same boat!
Unschooling may have required that I do one year of community college but it instilled in me a desire to learn that few of my traditional school peers have. I have been to graduate level school for FAR longer than anyone else I know, not because I care about having all those framed things on my wall but because I love learning and am not afraid to apply myself to get something I really want. Maybe its partly just my personality and that I come from a respectful family, but I think it is also because of the time I spent teaching myself.
And all of this really makes it clear that it depends on the person! It sounds like for Heidi maybe it was not the best choice, but for me, getting a break from highschool allowed to me refocus and get over my distaste for learning in the classroom. It also taught me to trust myself. It was just what I needed.
Thanks again for this great discussion.
Jasmine, L.M., C.P.M. L.Ac,
20
2010
I don’t think anyone can make up in one year of community college four years of high school math. You can make up the requirements for prerequisites for certain programs, but it would be hard to take algebra, geometry, trig, and another math class or two in one year of community college if you hadn’t taken some of those in high school.
Nursing is heavy on science but not on math. I had a couple of classmates who went into nursing specifically because it didn’t require a lot of math.
I think community colleges are great, by the way, and I think they offer a great path for people to find fields they love and enjoy.
In many ways, I wish I had gone to community college the first two years of college.
It really all depends on your particular path and the field you choose to go into whether unschooling could work for you. For some, though, unschooling might limit their options and their choices, or might limit what they are exposed to and know about to be able to find the attraction to that line of study.
19
2010
Hello all, just thought it’d be interesting to share some persective from a homeschooled/unschooled girl who went through all of her educational years as such! That’s right, until I went to the local technical college to take my HSED (High School Education Diploma, basically like a GED but a little closer to an actual diploma).
My parents pulled my two older brothers out of a traditional catholic school for two reasons: 1. My oldest brother (7 at the time) did not know his alphabet 2. Both were getting bullied quite a bit and the administrators at the school were trying to be “fair” by not placing any blame on the bullying kids. From there on out, none of us ever set foot in a public school building (with the exception of driver’s ed) until we hit college age.
For my elementary school years, I would say we were a good blend of homeschooling/unschooling. My mom took what she liked from lots of different curriculums. We definitely took days off to go to the library or spend time outside, but we also had set times of learning. Even though she was working with a range of ages (14 to 4) she found a way to get all of us together at once and read us a story or teach us something. Those times of dedicated, structered learning in the context of my family were and will always be really special to me. Whether or not I needed them, the simple act of learning something in a group where lots of ages were represented has been invaluable to me and to who I am now.
As far as reading, I was so anxious to start that by age five I was begging to learn. I don’t know if every kid is like that, but I was. We started on the basics (alphabet, sounding stuff out, etc) and by age six I was ready to quit becuase I just wasn’t getting it. My parents sort of left me alone to do my own thing, and suddenly, I took off at age seven and devoured anything printed that I could get my hands on after that. Everything I’d been struggling to learn made perfect sense. Had I not had that foundation, I don’t know if I would have caught on that easily.
However, despite being an advanced reader, I did very poorly in math. I learned later that we all did, even my parents when they were in traditional school. This wasn’t a big deal within the confines of our family, but I am still somewhat shocked at the reactions of other kids I played with from church/my neighborhood. I got openly ridiculed for not knowing my multiplication tables by age 9; not only by kids, but sometimes by their parents. Obviously, I didn’t know enough then to communicate that math simply isn’t my slant. I could read several grade levels above other kids my age, though. While we’d all hope this isn’t the norm, it is a reality that I think unschooling kids would need to be prepared for. Not everyone is going to understand why you “stay at home all day and do nothing”, when you tell them that you can’t recite your tables by the fourth grade.
When I hit middle school/high school, my parents sort of backed off of mine and my sister’s education entirely. We were still constantly learning things through our life experience, but we no longer had any structured study time. I was 13 and my sister was 8 when this started happening. In all honesty, I hated this. I took some initiative and studied on my own, but without any weekly/monthly checks of my work to at least encourage me that I was doing well, I constantly questioned how I measured up to my public school friends or to friends who were more strictly homeschooled. I wasn’t proud of my “unschooling”, I tried to keep it a secret when people asked me where i went to school and how I was doing. Even though my parents often told me that I was probably on the same level or above my peers, the reality was that there was and always will be a majority of people who will compare your education to theirs, and chalk up “being different” to “being uneducated”. If 75% of the population unschooled, this probably wouldn’t even be an issue. No one is going to compare you against some standard if it doesn’t exist, but, unfortuntely, I think some unfair stands do exist in our world today. Not everyone outside of your family is going to encourage your child, and in my case, very few outside of my family did and family encouragment was just not enough.
I think all of this compounded, because by the time I was ready to apply for college and take my HSED tests, I was so scared and un confident in myself that it took me over a year to work up my courage. Of course, when I did start the whole process I realized that I was actually much smarter than I’d always though. But I wouldn’t have known that until I had the chance to stand up next to others my own age and see where I fit. Now I have truly found a sense of freedom from being a self-taught learner. I feel as though anything I want is within my reach, if I work hard enough for it.
My sister, on the other hand, is really struggling to overcome her insecurities about being unschooled. She’s an extremely creative, talented young lady but is too scared to even learn how to drive a car. I know that if she were to take any sort of “placement test” she would excel. In her case, I think a little more structure, a little more reflection on her abilities, would have made a world of difference.
I’m not really for unschooling, based off of my experience. I’m for child-led learning more than anything. If my children are showing signs that they would actuall prefer more structure, then I’m not going to deny them that. For me, public school was never even an option. I don’t want my kids to feel that way. I think there is a confidence that comes from really, truly knowing your academic abilities, whether that confidence comes naturally or from simply seeing your score on a test and knowing that you have mastered the ability to study, to retain.
Also, I think there is something to be said for children having an understanding of structure. The harsh reality is that structure exists in our world. To pretend that it doesn’t, or to assume that my kids will never choose a lifestyle that forces them to understand structure, would be sheltering them in the worst way. If my child wants to be a teacher, or a scientist, they will need to learn how to work with rigerous people who will not understand their creativity. That’s part of life. The beauty of this comes from their ability to be their creative selves and to thrive within this structure.
I work a 9-5 office job. I have a lot of rules and regulations and deadlines that I have to adhere to. Would I like to be a stay-at-home self-supported artist instead? Maybe. Financially, that’s not possible for my husband and I right now. So, because of this, I’ve learned to love my job and to bring my own creativity and ability to learn and improve into the picture. This has taught me to love the balance between being organized and free-flowing. I am not much different at home than I am at my job. I thrive on creative routines and structure.
Again, please understand this is all my own perspective. I am who I am, and I can’t do anything except embrace that. But I think I will definitely be more sensative and intuative to my children when that time comes. I want to honor their needs, and not my idea of what education should look like.
I’m not for unschooling, and I’m not against it.
19
2010
Thanks Johanna for such a great post…I often look at my children and can see with a few of them that they don’t like unschooling…they LOVE structured learning times and for good or for bad, they LIKE fitting in with kids at our church who are more school-ish. Your perspective is a very balanced one…it’s not just what we as the parents connect with as far as schooling philosophy, but what each individual child connects with. My middle children thrive on a more Charlotte-Mason like routine yet my oldest would be considered an unschooler. It’s so important for parents to hold their ideals loosely, because their children may hold differing ones
21
2010
I wanted to thank Johanna for writing that, as another unschooled / home schooled adult.
Your experience is not identical to my own, but there are many similarities.
As an unschooled kid, I never really craved structure, or more regimented study. I was fine with unschooling, really, as a way of learning. It was more that it limited what I was able to do at the high school level and college level.
I see your point about your sister and confidence. I never really lacked confidence myself as an unschooled kid who transitioned to public school, but I can see now as an adult that it would be difficult for many children to make the leap, and especially during the pre-teen and teen years. And I’m sure kids in public school could be cruel and mean to an incoming unschooled kid who would be marked as different. Junior high and high school are so difficult to navigate socially anyway that I can see that being a real challenge.
I didn’t experience that myself, but it was still quite a difficult experience going from unschooling to public school. My main issue is that it is limiting academically if a kid wants to get on the college and degree-requiring career track.
One positive thing about being unschooled was that I was great at self-study. And, of course, that is a useful tool at any point in life.
19
2010
Very interesting debate here.
When I was a child, I began my educaional journey before kindergarten. My formal education began at age 5, and I really enjoyed school. In the 5th grade, I was struggling with many things, so my parents pulled my brother and I out and homeschooled us for 3 years. It was a mixture of home and unschooling. My mother gave us assignments, and left us on our own to read and learn. The rule was that we had to complete all assignemtns listed that week. If we did them all on Monday, we had the rest of the week to pursue our own interests.
This worked very well. I completed most days by 11:00, and then pursued my own intersts in the afternoon. I learned many things I would not have learned in school. I wanted to learn guitar, so my mom took me to guitar lessons. Same with karate. I learned basket weaving. I learned about electricity by going with my dad to job sits and helping him wire houses. What I am saying is my traditional lessons accompanied my “unschooling.” It was the best of both worlds. I saw how what I was learning is used in everyday life. Do I need math? Yes! To figure out how to design and cosntruct a building. Do I need history? Yes! To know where we came from and how our political system works. Why do I need to know that? So that if I can contact the official who can change it and work with them? This leads to learning social skills. I need to know how to interact with people and give the right impression to help organize a citizens group to gain the ear of a city council member to fix a broken slide at the park.
I can go on and on. There is a place for structure and traditional education. Having said that, there is importance in allowing a child to pursue her interest as well. The two go (or should go) hand in hand. It seems to me that there has to be someormal training at some point (though that age may be later rather than sooner), but that the formal training is nearly always a means to an end.
The one factor that remains true is that children with involved parents are more likely to do well in life (however you define that), and children with detached uninvolved parents are at high risk in not succeeding.
A parent knows her child better than anyone. That child will look to her parent for training and will mimic behavior, even if you do not think they are watching.
I believe strongly there is room for both structured and unstructured education. The problem with traditional schools is that they have to be designed to educated the masses. That naturally leads to inefficiencies. Overall, they do a good job in carrying out their function. Yet some children will struggle (as I did for awhile), and the parents will be able to see that and change that if needed.
There is no need for anyone to get defensive or upset about how another chooses to educate their child. They know their child the best and know what environment their child with thrive in. Some children thrive in public schools. others in private schools. Others in homeschooling or unschooling atmospheres. There is no right or wrong way to educate your child unless you are an uninvolved, detached parent (which of course is wrong!). If you are involved and focussed on raising your child, he or she will have the best chance in life to succeed.
19
2010
Heidi wrote:
“For me, I “unschool” or rather use the activities and philosophy behind unschooling with my children in our “family” time. Evenings. Weekends. School breaks.”
———————————————————
Heidi mentioned this several times in different ways, and I think the idea is worth repeating. Homeschooling, unschooling, and traditional schooling need not be, and truly in most cases shouldn’t be, mutually exclusive things. (Our unschooling/homeschooling time is called “Mom school.”
)
Interesting topic! I had been hoping you’d cover this in more detail, Sara, thanks!
19
2010
WOW! What a great discussion. I have been following your blog since you came to GA, about 3 years ago. I find it inspiring and it has brought many new ideas to light. I have been thinking of homeschooling for sometime now, as I’ve taught University, HS, MS and Elementary PE in public schools and seen things that I don’t want my child exposed to and/or influenced by. I know the same or equally damaging behaviors and attitudes are prevalent in private schools as well (and for a high price)! I don’t want my child surrounded by our mainstream, materialistic culture and accepting that as the norm. I am sure that there are biblical schools with sound cultures, but not in my area for a price I can afford. I know that we are influenced by our peers, through personal experience, and research proves it. I want my child to develop a strong sense of self so that she can one day stand up to, and not be swayed by the culture she is surrounded by in our society. I don’t want her “socialized” in the sense of becoming like what I see in the world today. I just wonder is unschooling so far from the way I was raised (and from the way our society operates) and so radical, that by subscribing to it as my educational philosophy for my child will I rob her of the educational foundation that is needed to be sucessful in mainstream USA (where I don’t want her anyways, but that’s reality)? I know I sound conflicted, but what I mean is that by reading all the comments, I hear what Heidi is saying. I wonder, will you give your child all that he/she needs to be sucessful if you unschool? So those of you who do it please respond:
-If your child does decide they want to persue “astronautics” do you then ask them if they’d like to study physics? Do you tell them that they can find books about it at the library or do you give them options of having a tutor or enrolling in public school (knowing that they would also have to study other things as well)? And then do you just provide all the needed things as they wish to help them learn?
-BTW- I’m making a CHOICE to be a SAHM, and working part-time, hopefully moving into no-time, because all my life I’ve wanted to be a mommy and a homemaker. I find nothing more fufilling than raising my 17 month old and want to spend time educating and living her days with her as well. I’ve been passionate about other things and have done them as well…have done the traditional schooling and ended up with a master’s degree and a sucessful, but not end-all-be-all career. And now, I’m not using it…but I wonder, am I using it? Even though I’m not using it to add much monetarily to my family’s income, I’m who I am today and stretched, in some ways, because of it. But in some ways I’m not stretched, because of it…see
-School was always pretty easy for me. I ended up graduating from a pretty esteemed Univ. with honors while partying and not cracking a book too much. I often think of what I could have gained academically and self-knowledge wise if I’d had just applied myself. I just memorized things and by using lower level thinking skills, was able to excel. I can spit facts back out after listening to a lecture, sometimes I can analyze, evaluate, synthesize, and all that higher level Bloom’s taxonomy stuff…but sometimes I can’t make a decision to save my life and feel like Paul, doing what I know is wrong.
-Does unschooling by nature build the higher level skills? Or does it leave a child unprepared to go on academically if that is what they choose?
-The problem I faced with public schools is that I was conficted with my identity because the friends I made and wanted to be accepted by at school differed so much from my parents’ values. For some reason I was not accepted by the children of like-minded families. I was shunned by them and had to seek acceptance where I could. Once I found them, I began to draw into my friends and away from my parents. I was disrespectful and turned from every good thing that my folks had taught and raised me to know as right. Would homeschooling and unschoooling have prevented this?
-Can you have more control over who your kids decide to befriend and become if you unschool and/or homeschool. (Don’t get me wrong, I want my child to become whomever and do whatever she wants, but I want her to know and love Jesus Christ and His values and live the fruits of the spirit without having to experience the pain I have because of rebellion).
-How does unschooling/homeschooling effect teenage and twenty something rebellion?
Thanks for all the posts and for this blog on unschooling. As I am now beginning to research all possible homeschooling options I will enjoy the links!
One more question:
-After seeing John Holt quoted and referenced on many unschooling sites I was reading James Dobson’s “Strong Willed Child” and came across a quote from Holt. Dobson and another professional he cited were trying to argue that Holt was suggesting that teenagers and children be given every freedom that adults enjoy including rights such as voting, drinking alcohol, having sexual relations, etc. Dobson (whom I would guess is not a fav of attachment parenting and nature types) makes a point that children aren’t ready for that kind of freedom and it is our job as parents to protect and nurture until they are ready. What do Christian Unschooling parents make of Holt’s philosophy of freedom for children?
Thanks!
19
2010
hi Sara. I just wanted to tell you that I going to “re-blog” this post on wednesday. i’ll be linking my readers back here to your post.
thanks for the intriguing topic and information.
19
2010
As a former homeschooled student, I sometimes look around at what is happening in the homeschooling world, and unschooling, although not a foreign concept was always a baffling one. I see though that my mother definitely walked the line between the two.
I went to private school until 5th grade. My mother didn’t have a set study plan or curriculum. Every year we would go to the homeschool book fair and she would let me pick out my own books or programs. I’m a structured kind of girl. I picked traditional history books where you read the chapter and answer the questions at the end. I didn’t want my mom helping me. In the morning I would wake myself up, get dressed, line my books up in order of how I was going to do them, and then do it. My goal was to finish schoolwork as quickly as possible so I could brag to my neighborhood and church friends that I was done with school by noon while they were not dropped off by the bus until 4:30pm. I got mad at my mom when she wanted to go to farms, or science centers, or parks for “school”. All that meant was she wanted to get out of the house. My system worked for me.
Or so I thought. Then I went to college, where my general disdain for mathematics made me take remedial math courses. Because I never learned it in the first place, I had this mental block up. I don’t like math. It’s not what I want to spend my time doing. I did a little in school, but mom never really cared because she wasn’t good at it either. Somehow I passed enough math courses to graduate. I remember nothing. Now, I’m looking to take the GRE (not GED) and I am terrified of the math portion. All because no one really made me do it. They let me follow the things I love, which sounds great until you realize that I ONLY did the things I loved. So there are gaps in my education. Things I never learned because I didn’t want to. And when I feel the weight of my ignorance, I kind of wish there had been a tad bit more structure even though I was a rather self-disciplined kid. Why in the world did I never study Asian history, or a foreign language, or astronomy? All things I discovered that I love while taking college courses.
I have three brothers who were also schooled this way. The youngest, who hates to read, had never read a book until he was 17 (last year) and in college. How he passed the entrance exam is beyond me. He had also never written a paper and never learned math either. Now, he’s talking about how he wants to pursue a PhD in mathematics. He really likes it and it surprises him that he likes it. I don’t think it is something he would ever have pursued on his own.
My other brother failed his first college course because he didn’t understand having to hand in homework. The things he doesn’t know, the gaps in his education absolutely astound me sometimes.Of all my brothers, he seems to mind the least.
And the oldest brother completely resents my parents for the way he was schooled. He very much feels that he did not get the education he deserved and spent years feeling inferior and stupid compared to everyone else because of the lack of education. When he went to college he felt like my parents looked down on it because they had drilled it into our heads that college/school was expensive and mold-fitting.
I hope more kids are having better luck with this kind of schooling. I am an introvert and was happy to not be surrounded by hundreds of people every day, but I shudder to think what my education and academic career would look like if I hadn’t been a disciplined kid. When people ask me what my mother taught me, I politely reply, “I taught myself.” I don’t always mean that in a positive way.
19
2010
I have mixed feelings about unschooling. On the surface it seems really wonderful and it jives with my ideas and beliefs about early learning. I do think some structure is really beneficial at some point in education, though. I was “forced” to take some classes that I wasn’t particularly interested in or enjoyed during my official schooling days and I do think that having those courses offered me more balance in my overall understanding and view of the world.
With that said, I am VERY opposed to forcing little tiny children to read and write and take standardized tests. I see in the comments from people who are in the crunchy lifestyle who love Waldorf, which I find surprising because you would be hard pressed to find another more authoritative style educational philosophy – despite the beauty of the schools and the inclusion in nature, the education of children is 100% directed by the teacher including the art that the child creates. I like a lot about Waldorf but it is certainly no where near unschooling.
So, I would say I am somewhere in between. I personally believe little children really love the security of routine even if they seem to buck against it at times. I do think providing safe and firm parameters for sleep and meals and snacks (with flexibility for growth spurts and hunger during off regular food times) really keeps our family grounded and sane!
Thank you for this post, my oldest will begin K in the fall and I am just so distraught about it. It is hard to express to other people why I feel such extreme stress about her being gone *40 HOURS A WEEK!* and the fact that I know that she will be put under quite a bit of pressure to perform according to arbitrary standards that have zero bearing on her own abilities and interests. As excited as she is to go (extreme extrovert) I will be more than willing to pull her out if I feel like the pressure to perform via tests is too great at such a young age.
It is sad that our educational system is considered by most something to get through and to survive. I want my children to fall in love with learning and to be excited about it throughout their entire lives. My grandfather never finished high school but he is the most well-educated person I know simply because he is a voracious reader, is very well traveled and is always open to new experiences and trying new things. May we all keep that same zest for life and learning until we are 90 years old too!
20
2010
Jess, as for Waldorf… it is only less harmful than our regular schools, but far from perfect, that’s true. still, if you have two choices:
1. put your kid in a school where they are supposed to read and write by christmas (in three months)
2. choose Waldorf, where there are two years to learn reading and writing
which would you pick?
I know, it is nowhere near unschooling, but in Europe, where you are not allowed to unschool your kids, alternative education is your only possibility to ease the pains of schooling – where available, of course.In my town, there is only Waldorf, but from all the alternative schools present in Hungary, I’d choose Waldorf, which is definitely freer than let’s say Rogers or Dalton method.
If you know about any movements in Europe for legalizing proper unschooling, give me a shout, I’ll be in.
20
2010
I’m so glad you’re providing good information about unschooling. The only knowledge I have of it–embarrassing to admit– comes from Wife Swap where they portray families as having extreme lifestyles anyway. Thanks for the input and it certainly has been thought provoking!
Katherine
whataboutsummer
20
2010
Just want to say that there is no type of schooling discussed here that is inherently and universally “harmful”, but there are bad apples in every barrel. An unschooled or homeschooled child in the hands of uninformed or lackadaisical parents or guardians is at just as much a disadvantage as a child in a poor school system who has uninformed or lackadaisical parents or guardians. In other words, much of the process, joy, and success of learning comes from the home, regardless of schooling philosophy; from interested and immersed adults who understand each individual child’s needs, interests, strengths, and personality.
20
2010
Great discussion. And in a stroke of synchronicity, this was actually just featured on Yahoo online (or Good Morning America, I guess). They don’t paint unschooling in a very positive light, but they really only interviewed one family: http://news.yahoo.com/video/health-15749655/extreme-parenting-radical-unschooling-19218933
More “food” for discussion. There is no perfect way, I think.
20
2010
Yes…the first video segment was VERY biased. Here is the follow up for today. It was much better:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Parenting/video/parents-defend-unschooling-10422983
20
2010
After watching both video segments and reading here, I’m certain of what I always suspected (I’ve done a lot of reading on homeschooling and unschooling already); my kids are sometimes homeschooled, often unschooled, and for part of the time, attend traditional school, as well! I consider my bases covered.
I really do feel, again, that ALL children should be “unschooled” whether or not they attend traditional school or not; it should not be an either/or. Frankly, the “extra activities” the featured family described doing generally are not things specific to “unschooling”; they are things every family should strive to do.
I also feel that the parents shown in the first video with young children who ate what they wanted where they wanted, and also decided upon their own hygiene are probable examples of uninformed and lackadaisical parents whose choice to unschool could be harmful to their children. Just my opinion, of course.
Also, I was a bit bothered when the mother in the featured family was talking about algebra, and how “if the kids decide they need to know it, they will find out about it.” Shouldn’t she as a parent want to help assist in that search for knowledge if the desire is shown?
20
2010
we are an unschooling/homeschooling family and it has been one of, IF NOT THE BEST! decision we have EVER made! we LOVE it! this is exactly how my daughter was born to learn and i am so blessed to be able to give her the education i always wanted (but never received in public school).
my husband and i have several degrees between us and are very well-educated. degrees or no degrees, i know in my heart that no one could do a better job teaching our child than we could.
thank you sara for writing about the WONDERFULNESS of unschooling!!!
<3,
karri
20
2010
Well, I’ve been thinking about this idea all day since I read your other post. I think there are some really good things about it. I think, with certain bounds, it could be the very most ideal way of learning. I do have questions, though, but only one I will throw out:
You said if you are watching a sunset with Bella, and she asks questions, you’ll answer. But it’s not parent-led. I think right now I am an unschooler
I mean, I’m the student. I’m a SAHM, and I just can’t get enough information. Any spare nap time, I am reading, learning, and shaping our diet, the way I parent, and lots of things. I’ve changed a lot in the last couple years because for the first time I feel like I can learn what I want, I’m not accountable for tests and memorizing what is required. And I learn a lot of things applicable to real life. BUT, I need ideas of what to learn. Like diet, for example. So I’ll be reading about something about food, and an article will say something about something else. And I’ll think, “Hmmm, I didn’t realize that was bad for you…” Then I’ll read more about it. Sometimes I get frustrated that I feel like we eat all healthy, then all of the sudden I stumble upon information about something else. I wish I knew it before 
But somebody is telling me this. I didn’t necessarily look it up. So what’s the difference if the parent offers information, or if they stumble upon information on the internet? Sometimes kids just don’t know what to ask. I didn’t know for a long time that I should even question dairy, until I stumbled upon it. Does that make sense? But someone shared the info. It’s the same as if the parent shares it.
24
2010
As a parent, I know my limits.
I know that my expertise and my knowledge base have limits. There is a limit to what I can teach my child myself.
One thing, for me, about going to college at a large university was that it opened up an awareness of all I did not know. The further I got, the more I realized how vast the world is and how advanced the thinking is in subjects far beyond my knowledge base. The more I learn, the more I don’t know, right?
Sometimes you have to be aware of how big the world is to realize how small you are.
I can answer questions about sunsets from my children. I am good at the baby, pre-school, and pre-teen level questions.
I’m finding I’m not so good and not the right source as they get older. I definitely don’t want to bind my children and rope in their experience in life based on my knowledge and my interests.
I remember in junior high we took exploratory classes. They were mandatory. Every kid had to give music a try. Art a try. Shop class a try. Foreign language a try. Computers a try. Home economics a try. Etc.
The thinking was that a kid could then be introduced to something and see if they were interested in taking more classes in that subject in high school.
Obviously, algebra and chemistry weren’t part of the exploratory curriculum.
But you get what I’m saying, right? How do you know you’re NOT interested in something unless you try it? I don’t want to make that determination for my child by limiting what they’re exposed to. School has way more resources than I do. A college has way, way more resources than I do. And I’m upper middle class and educated. I have a lot of resources to give a child, just not the same range and level as a school.
In our free time during evenings, weekends, and school breaks, the world is our oyster, basically, and we do what many would see as unschooling. We explore museums, book stores, science centers, arboretums, the great outdoors, historical places…we go, explore, and learn. We have a blast and my kids have a rich life experience from this. But it does not replace the fundamentals that will get them on a track to make important life decisions about their formal education (whether that be university, trade school, tech school, direct work placement, or community college) which will allow them to become self-supporting, productive adults.
I love my kids. But I’m not going to support them financially 100% forever. And so they’ll need to be employable. Not cogs in a factory but free thinking, capable, employable, productive people.
And kids who come from traditional schooling can do that, and kids who come from homeschooling can do that, and kids who come from unschooling, or hybrid, background can do that (look at me!
) but it takes diligence and core learning on the part of either the parent or the child, depending on the personalities and maturity involved.
20
2010
Erin, what you’re referring to is called “strewing.” There is a big difference, however between an unschooler strewing or sharing information and a parent trying to “teach” something. Strewing is sharing information that you think they might be interested in like you would share with a friend or simply putting something in their environment. It comes up all the time in the course of normal converstaion and open relationships.
For example, the other day I pointed at a building and told my daughter “that’s how big whale sharks are!” I said that because I know she likes whale sharks right now and would find that information interesting. That’s very different from deciding that she is at the age that she “should” be learning about sea creatures and finding out random facts and trivia to teach her and then expect her to retain.
My husband was at a yard sale a few days ago and picked up a microscope, because he thought it would something fun for her to use. That’s far different from deciding that she is at the age that she needs to start learning a certain amount of a certain type of science and purchasing a microscope as a means to the end of filling her brain with facts.
20
2010
Oh, the other thing is that no one was trying to teach you anything when you read those articles. They put the information out there to share with anyone who might be interested. They probably wrote it out of their own passion for the subject. No one made you read it or forced you to follow one subject to the next. You are interested in that topic, so you’re running with it!
Everything in life connects to everything else, so I’m sure you have noticed that learning about diet leads to farming methods which leads to politics which leads economics and so on.
It’s the same with kids. When they are interested in something, they will seek out the information. Our job is simply to be the more experienced, more knowldgable (sometimes, or find someone who is) people in the relationship and do the practical things to help like driving them to the library, looking things up on the computer, taking them places and helping them find informaion.
20
2010
Yes, there are some things that are missed in 4 years of highschool math that can not be gained in 1 year of community college. But there are two sides of every coin. By leaving highschool I also intentionally avoided all the kids in my class drinking and doing hard drugs (about half of them), kids that mouthed off, teachers with major personality problems, and bullies. It is a very unfortunate but real part of school these days.
22
2010
One thing that strikes me after reading all this, is that we really live in a culture that blames our parents for everything. To the homeschooled/unschooled people who now look back at what they didn’t learn and resent their parents b/c of it, well as a public schooled, college-educated person I can say the exact.same.things. I didn’t learn it all even by graduate school. I also hate/dread math even though I got As and Bs in the subject all through public school, and I am terrified to go on to further schooling BECAUSE OF the math portion of the GRE, etc. It is a normal way to feel in this culture, but it is wrong-headed I think. YOU are responsible for your life, as an adult. Unschooling can teach you that very well, or obviously it can *not* teach you that too. We still live in this culture that blames parents for our childhood/adulthood failings. It’s time, in general, to get over that. Learning happens at any age, so if you want to learn something you feel you missed out on, as long as you’re breathing it ain’t too late.
23
2010
Well, I am one of the unschooled/home schooled kids, but I don’t resent or blame my parents, per se. I mean, they believed in it and it was part of their lifestyle. So be it.
I also was public schooled. Half and half.
So, I see both sides, the good and the bad for both.
I am not terrified of math. And I don’t think learning stops with school.
I rocked the GRE, but it took A LOT of studying, just like I rocked the ACT, but it took so much prep work. As an unschooled kid, I was behind the level of my peers who had not been homeschooled who took advanced classes and were on the college career track.
But I did well enough in college, graduated.
I learn every day in my career and at home. Mostly in my career, in an academic sense, but of course learning never stops.
But certainly, being unschooled limited the scope of what I could do in college in 4 years. It limited the ability of what I could study based on my economics and not wanting to be in debt forever, you know? Sure, I could have gone to college forever, but tuition was a factor and I wanted to graduate and get a job, and my unschooling background put me behind to begin with so I had to pay extra and take extra classes.
That’s all I was saying about me, and what I was saying about others is that it’s important for parents to make sure they won’t limit or hamper their children’s options.
The world is full of requirements and hoops, unfortunately. You can skip some, but depending on what the child wants to do, some requirements and hoops will need to be dealt with.
23
2010
I was “good” at school. I graduated from a challenging university Magna Cum Laude. But I don’t remember a darn thing. ha ha. I think this would have been perfect for me. BUT, I don’t think it would have worked for my brothers who are so darn lazy. Is there a rule against laziness? Even the lady in the video said her brother was super great with video games, and his parents are supporting him at 25. He might have been “successful” in some way (I can’t remember what she said), but anyone who spends hours a day with video games I don’t consider successful. If I were his wife, it would drive me NUTS!!! I think that would happen to a lot of kids. I think mind-numbing things like video games would have to be out. Seems to me, anyway. Some people are just happy wasting their lives away.
Mostly, I’m wondering unschooled kids handle having jobs with specific responsibilities, and following instructions of a boss. Is that answered in one of the comments?
I would think unschooling would be good because you wouldn’t just get the perspective of the school/teacher. I took Nutrition 100 just for fun, and they teach the food guide pyramid. I took Parenting (thought these “hands on classes would be so helpful for what I really wanted to do – stay home with kids), and they made us memorize stupid lists and facts so that they have something to test us about, that do not make me a better parent. I really would rather read inspiring/informational things about parenting, and actually become a better parent. There definitely are pluses to unschooling, I can imagine.
23
2010
Thanks for writing that. I wonder about that too, about the job prospects and how unschooled kids go on to function in the world.
Some of us can open our own businesses, sure, but not all of us. It takes a lot of start up capital and there is risk involved. And some may want to run their own business, and some may not. And some will be succesful at it and some will not. I wouldn’t bet on one’s children running their own business.
Most jobs do report to a boss. Of some kind. And work some sort of schedule. And of course have parameters. It’s not all free choice.
Some unschoolers will go on to be artists, musicians, business owners, etc, but some will not and will be in more traditional 9 to 5 jobs. It’s just the statistics of what jobs are out there.
And in tough economic times, wouldn’t you want your artist or musician to be able to get a job somewhere else to put food on the table?
Being able to cope in a 9 to 5 environment is a good skill to have, even if you choose to not work in those types of jobs. It’s good that you can, if you must.
As I said, I was unschooled.
And you know what? I work. For someone else. In a fairly rigid environment with a sort of 9 to 5 ish schedule.
And it’s hard!
Maybe it’s hard because it’s hard and humans long to be out of the 9 to 5 structure. I mean it’s a theme in our culture, right? Or maybe it’s hard for me having grown up with hippie parents who did not work and who unschooled me. I don’t know.
I do know it isn’t as hard for my husband who comes from a very traditional background.
I work partially because I like the field I’m in and am passionate about it, but also because of economic need. Even though I’m passionate about the field that doesn’t mean I always want to go sit in my office on a beautiful day with a clear blue sky. I would love to always pursue what interests me on a particular day, but that doesn’t jive with most jobs out there. And that is in direct contrast to how I was raised.
Obviously, maturity and resposibilty increase with adulthood so I don’t doubt that unschooled kids can perform at a job and provide for a family. But don’t think that they’ll struggle a bit with a more rigid structure, whether that is in college pursuing a degree or in the work world.
23
2010
Heidi, I get what you’re saying and I’m certainly glad to hear you don’t blame your parents. You definitely do seem to blame unschooling, though, which of course goes back to your parents’ decision.
Every time I’ve read your comments, I have to say that I always think: ME TOO! As a person who was a good (but shy) student in public schools all my life, I too don’t like to work in jobs. I have had to start my own businesses because, while I’m a good employee I am just too independent-minded and I hate to be managed! Also the stress level of working with a lot of people, and/or working at jobs that don’t fit my values i.e. in corporate America, is high for me. (My current home business: I’m a stay-at-home, unschooling mom right now who cares for some children in my home for income, but I’ve done others too–many of which I didn’t like. I opened a yarn shop for a year but hated it so closed up shop. I have sold Mary Kay, Tupperware and Usborne Books as well. Child care in my home is something I feel “born” to do and I’m so happy to have found that, even if I’m not “using” my expensive college and graduate school educations.)
I have been helped by reading about the introvert personality and discovering that my introversion is likely why I have such a hard time. I am a very social, likable person but I definitely need most of my time to be “quiet time” or I get exhausted. I wonder if you’re an introvert too, and possibly a “highly sensitive person”–there is a book by that title–and maybe that’s why you’re having a hard time at these things? I am going to venture to say it has less to do with your unschooling background and possibly more to do with your personality.
24
2010
Thanks Lisa.
I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t like work, though. Or that I don’t like to work in jobs. 
I’m over a decade into my career. So, I’ve been working in it for a while! I also worked all through college and put myself through.
It’s not that I don’t like working. It’s that the schedule and the pace and the regiment is VERY different than how I was raised where there was no schedule, really no rules, and no regiment of any kind. It was kind of “anything goes” and I was free to do whatever I wanted to do based on my interests. Good thing my interests sort of kept me in line. That wasn’t the case for my siblings.
I’m familar with the highly sensitive person. One of my kids has sensitivity issues so I read that book, and the sequel.
I don’t know. It’s hard to say if that is what is going on here. I had a VERY different childhood than most people so how much is nature versus nurture.
I would be pretty happy to be a stay-at-home mother or own a small home business but that wouldn’t work for my analytical mind, plus I have student loans to pay off from my college education, and I also support my parents a little since they never worked and have no retirement now. I’ve been an economic provider for my family for years.
I have never really had the choice to opt out of the traditional work force.
The reason school was hard for me, though, again was being off the college track as an unschooled kid and then having to “catch up” to get into college by the time I was 18. That was hard and required a ton of work, studying during summers, and self-study. I did it, but the pace wasn’t normal or natural. That, more than my personality or being an introvert/extrovert, was what made it so difficult.
23
2010
“the child is FREE to pursue her own interests” … “we treat her with the same respect that we would a guest in our home”
question: what if Bella reallllly wanted to go to a traditional school?
that’s where we’re at right now with our 5 year old.
24
2010
While I’m a home/unschooler at heart, my dear 11-year old daughter is not. So she goes to school, which is at times hard for me but boy is she a determined one. The last couple of years at the public school–which has been at times wonderful and at times miserable (mainly due to the teachers she’s had, but also due to the horrible, no good, very bad No Child Left Behind which has taken out most of HER kind of learning, hands-on, and replaced it with yet more reading and math sitting there…). Next year she’ll go to a private school (thankfully we can pay it due to my husband working a second job) that is the most like home/unschooling that we can find in our small city. It’s a school with freedom to go to the bathroom without asking, to stand up and pace if you need to while the teacher is lecturing, and to do a lot of hands-on projects. And, thankfully, a school that is not bound by the stupid NCLB standardized testing. Also, of course, it’s a school where each child’s parent has CHOSEN for them to be there and supports their learning there. There are schools like that out there, possibly even public ones but I doubt that.
Kids who have to sit at desks all day at school are certainly more likely to be prepared to sit at desks in cubicles all day in the corporate world. I’ll give you that one, Heidi.
(Even though for both my public-schooled husband and public-schooled me, that is not true at all.)
24
2010
Hi Liza Z:
I’m really curious about your comment that it’s hard for you for your daughter to to go public school since she is determined to go there.
Do you mean philosophically? Or hard in another way. I’m very curious about that.
24
2010
“Kids who have to sit at desks all day at school are certainly more likely to be prepared to sit at desk all day in the corporate world…”
I’ve never worked a day in the corporate world myself. I never wanted to work in a place where the bottom line was money, personally. So, my work world has always been Academia, research, the public sector, public interest work, and the public good.
But those jobs often sit in cubicles too…at least part of the day.
All cube jobs aren’t the same. It’s just a spatial design. Not a profession. No one really has an office anymore…not doctors, not teachers, not professors. There are exceptions but most offices and businesses simply do not have the space.
I have a cube job. My cube is just a base. Most of the time, I am in meetings, or doing research in the field, or speaking to the public, or on Capital Hill talking to legislators. Or speaking to the media. I definitely don’t sit in a cube all day and do it well because I sat in a desk all day at school.
Actually, I don’t remember sitting in a desk all that much at public school. We had circle time. We split into groups for everything – reading, math, geography. We had recess. We had free time, even.
I don’t think it’s too much different now. I have kids in school – and a kid with sensory issues – and I’ve spoken to the school so my kid can get up and walk around and doesn’t have to sit so much. The schools are willing to work with you. You have to be a vocal advocate for your children and voice their needs.
As for No Child Left Behind, I agree. I think there is a lot of criticism for that particular law, and there are people trying to make positive changes. I am not an expert on No Child Left Behind but I am familar with it and what I’ve seen I by and large don’t like (and I’ve heard a lot of teachers agree on that). I think it will be changed. I chalk it up as something passed in the last administration (right?) and I truthfully didn’t like anything from that administration with regard to education, the environment, and the economy.
24
2010
Good questions. My daughter chooses school because she loves kids, teachers and being busy all day long. She is the kid constantly saying “I’m bored” and looking outside herself for things to do–I have not been able to change that about her and now she’s 11. I just have to work with it, I guess, so when she chooses school I know it’s what she wants and maybe even needs. I would love for her to be more self-directed, but so far that hasn’t happened.
For my daughter school has been hard this year for several reasons. She has a very old school, strict teacher for 5th grade who demands quiet, sitting at desks, etc. and takes away free time and field trips and fun times (this week it was recess for a couple of days b/c they were too “rude” at lunch one day) as well as assigns seating at lunch (!) as a punishment. I mean, the teacher is a nice enough woman (my husband teaches in the same bldg…), but she is on her way to retirement and this year seems just so tired of any misbehavior. My daughter is very good (as I’m assured by the teacher all the time) and is able to hold it in all school day, but often comes home very stressed and in tears, exhausted. There are two boys in particular who are just terribly behaved, one has even threatened to kill the teacher several times. I don’t know why he is still there. He, and others, combined with that teacher have sure been a deadly combination this year. And I’d love to support the teacher’s actions, but I just can’t when it’s so counter-intuitive as to take away the free time that the kids so desperately need.
Yes, kids today (at least in our district in Minnesota) are sitting at desks constantly. This wasn’t the case when my son (now 13) was in Kindergarten and 1st grade just a few years ago. But with NCLB, and us living in a poorer/more diverse inner city district that needs to work hard to bring up those test scores, all the kids are forced to sit and read. 2 hours a day of reading (yes, sitting at desks) and 1.5 hours a day of math. In the afternoons they have 25 minutes of music, art or phy. ed. (two a day for a total of 50 min.), they have 20 minutes to eat lunch and 20 minutes (tops) of recess. This does not go along with childrens’ needs at all. I have read on child development fairly extensively. What the schools are doing keeps going BACKWARDS in my opinion, on what kids really need. I guess we want to keep up with China. But I’d rather we look to Finland or the other Scandinavian countries for guidance. In Germany, all children only go to school 1/2 day and then study at home like in college (all ages). I’d love to see that, too, but instead in the USA we want to be China, Japan, etc. where suicide rates are high and the culture is so rigid. That’s not what I want for my kids. I’m so thankful for the freedom to unschool my son, and choose where I want to send my daughter.
24
2010
Oops…sorry. Let me amend that and say cube jobs / desk jobs.
24
2010
You mentioned watching the sunset with Bella, and it reminded me of one of my favorite Walt Whitman poems. Mind if I put it up here?
WHEN I heard the learn’d astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.
24
2010
First all THANK YOU!!!!! We are fellow UNschoolers and the information you have gathered and provided is AMAZING concerning our outlook!
Secondly… what do y’all do about state laws since you are on the road? We currently live in TX where the homeschool laws can’t be beat (SUPER easy and nothing to comply with or turn in or any of that stuff)… but plan on living out on the road within the next year… so we wondered what happens with a TRAVELING unschooling family with homeschooling laws.
26
2010
So informative and enlightening; thank you!
If you’d like, please stop by my blog for a chance to win an original giclee art print…by me
29
2010
I’m a little bit curious about your the subtopic you called “socialization”. Based on your definition of socialization, I agree – something that many parents do not strive for, including myself. But if you ask the more relevant questions, that is, the questions that get to the heart of what people are really asking, how would you respond?
How important is spending time with peers at a young age? If it is important, how do you compensate for this in a homeschooled/unschooled environment? How important are bonds with friends? How might it affect them to not have peers to grow up with as friends?
I truly ask these questions in the spirit of curiosity, as I completely understand and agree with so much of the unschooling philosophy. But to be sure, no one philosophy of education or child-raising is “perfect”. So more broadly, ,what are the drawbacks, perceived or not, of unschooling?
1
2010
I’m glad that I live in a country where you’re obliged to send your kids to school. I can’t believe how lightly you think about education. The fact that you don’t use math beyond doing groceries doesn’t mean your daughters won’t be. There are jobs where more complicated math is used every day (like mine).
Right now Bella is 6, so at this age you can probably teach her enough. But when kids get older your knowledge and lifestyle simply doesn’t cover everything a child should learn. You simply cannot know enough about everything and you cannot create enough experiences to close that gap.
And just because you don’t think much about a college education should not mean denying your daugthers a college education by not preparing them enough to get one some day. You are making decisions for your daughters instead of creating options for them if you keep unschooling them.
25
2011
I agree with you. I think kids feed off the worry, neurosis, (what have you) of the parents. Most people I have encountered who have this idea of a child who is free and allowed to adapt to a supposed array of activities and experiences, usually raise children who are quite the opposite. . . not adaptive and difficult. Why not put a positive spin on school, learning, reading, and friends and supplement with a life of exploration, discussion and freedom. I think the balance of the two is the best way to go. I guess I could be biased because my kids are adaptable and we live in a small mountain town that has a school with a great, non-competitive vibe. But. . . I respect Sara’s lifestyle and thinks she “gets it” so much more than most and realizes what is truly important!!! Have enjoyed reading!
1
2010
Thank you for this! I’ve been waiting for your post on unschooling since you mentioned it a while back. I am a very new reader to your blog, but have so far found such inspiration here, so thank you again. Taken from my blog after reading your post:
“I am so excited by the ideas of unschooling because they remind me, once again, that I should not try to fit my life into society, but fit society into my life. I have the power to decide what life means to me and how to live it. I am free to follow my own interests and curiosities and set out on my own adventures, my own way.”
A question about how you manage unschooling as a lifestyle: What rules does your family have in place and how are conflicts resolved? I am having a hard time visualizing how so much freedom given to children works!
Also, I noticed under “Books That Will Change Your Life” …nothing! I would love to know what books will change my life and am sad the list didn’t seem to work in your post.
2
2010
This post speaks to my heart. Unschooling has been in the back of my mind for about a year now. I want to take the plunge, but am not sure where to begin. Thanks for the inspiration!