Jan
18
2011

Becoming

Filed under: Homemaking, Motherhood

“The moment in between what you once were, and who you are now becoming,
is where the dance of life really takes place.”
*Barbara De Angelis

…and it seems I’ve been doing a lot of dancing lately.

After 4 years of having Matt at home all day…pretty much every day, I am now in charge of raising these two precious girls alone. I know, I know…I’m being overly dramatic. But we have a lot of drama around here lately and it must be rubbing off.

Being a stay-at-home mom is the best job on earth. And it’s hard. And it’s beautiful. And I’m still figuring it all out.

It often feels like the only thing I do all day is make meals and clean the house. Over and over and over. But you see…I also want time in there to do amazing, life-changing activities with my girls. I want to sing and dance and tell them stories. I want to give them opportunities and experiences. I want to have art projects that rival the best of Waldorf schools! Oh my. I’m getting crazy now.

We’ve never really been a schedule-driven type of family…we usually just go with the flow. But I’m finding that having a loose schedule is helpful. Especially for Bella. She wants to know exactly what is happening and when. Every day.

I’ve given myself a couple of weeks now to try to work out the kinks…to get into our groove. And it’s slowly happening. I can feel a nice rhythm to our days. And it feels really good. The “everyday” of our lives makes all of us happy (thank you Erin for an amazing post that refreshed my soul). Reading the same books. Going to the same stores. Being with the same friends. Sweeping the same floor.

I am getting through the day with Jesus at my side…I can almost hear him whispering my name. Reminding me to have more patience, more love, and less perfectionism He is telling me to go to bed sooner and get up earlier…and that too will help immensely.

I would love to have a conversation in the comments about what really works for you and your family. Feel free to use these questions as a springboard…

Tell me about the rhythm of your day.
What is the best advice you’ve ever received as a stay-at-home or work-at-home mother?
What has been your biggest struggle and how are you overcoming it?
What is your deepest joy in being a homemaker?
Are there certain blogs that you love for homemaking/mama inspiration?
Do you use a “system” for cleaning your house (i.e. Flylady, etc)?

I look forward to reading about and discussing your life as mothers, wives, and keepers of the home!

Posted by Sara @ 10:29 pm | Leave a Comment

http://catherineanne5.blogspot.com/ Cat

Sara, I understand. Yes I do. You look at your day as the nights falls and say I didnt do the little things. Not enough of them. The little things do feed your soul. I know this. I will fight schedule to the end! BUT, I found I do need it. Even if schedule for us means something diffrent then it does to others. The Lord is teaching me slowly that pasrt of my mother rule for life is the meals and the dishes. When I look at them in this light as well as adding to our “schedule” FREE TIME. Free time being dance, read, run, flip, climb, tents with sheets, explorering etc. I am feeling fulfilled. In the end for me I found I do need a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Prayer to you on this Journey! Know that it is awesome you feel that need to dance. So many forget to dance~
Alisha

I’m reading The Balanced Mom right now. I didn’t think i would like it, at first, but I think it’s really great, especially for a stay at home mom.
Ashlee

Have you read passionate homemaking? Its an amazing and encouraging blog!
http://puddingwithoutmeat.blogspot.com Shannon

It is such a new thing to be a stay home Mom. There are the hardest of days and there are the easiest of days. Just as with anything else. I think the “pressure” is added a bit because on those bad days… our day is affecting the most important people in our lives! You’re going to do great! GREAT!

We have a very loose idea of what to do and sometimes I don’t do any of it and then I feel bad, but for the most part it works. I like to come up with a creative project we can do each day and we do it when we’re feeling it. Lots of space for exploration and a general idea of what I want to introduce to Zane, educationally. For example, today… we talked about Roman Numerals. Talked about them and worked on them verbally. Kept it simple. It happens when it happens and we go with it but I like when I have something I can talk about with him.

Housework: I came up with my own schedule of the “biggies”. Clean the kitchen on one day, clean the bathrooms on another day, laundry days twice a week, cleaning screens(tvs/computers)on one day. I clean either the upstairs floors or the downstairs floors each day, but never both! Lastly, I finish the day, after the kids are in bed and falling asleep, by picking up toys from the living room and kitchen and loading the dishwasher. Gives me transition time and allows the kids to hear me working and that helps them ease into rest.

Finally… I am on my own personal mission to eliminate the unspoken necessity for us stay home moms to present this facade of clean homes. We’re in them daily. We use them daily. Our kids play and learn and explore in them daily. I think we worry so much about how we’ll look if someone pops in, based on our homes’ cleanliness, that we inadvertently push one another away. We either push away our kids so we can clean or we push away our friends so we’re not embarrassed. So, that’d be my final suggestion to you… Join my on my real-home revolution. If your house isn’t CLEAN it’s okay. If it is, it’s also okay. You’ll have plenty of time to clean the house when the girls are older but for now it’s essential to a stay home Mom to have a community with those IN the home and not.

You’re going to rock SAHM status!
- http://ponderingponteuf.blogspot.com natasha soreco
  
  wow,well said,I loved your reply.You wrote what goes on in my head daily,thank you:0)
Kat

I don’t know if you’ve seen this (so many of the blogs I read are written by people who communicate with each other – I lose track!) but Sayward from BonzaiAphrodite wrote a guest-post at another blog on being a SAHM a couple of months ago that I really enjoyed. I don’t have children (and don’t have plans in that direction) but if I did, I would want to be at home to raise them and a lot of what she said really resonated with me.

Here’s the link:
http://galadarling.com/article/i-want-to-be-a-mother
http://bohomumma.blogspot.com jules

we have a ryhthm to our days and a pattern to our weeks interspersed with celebrations and festivals for a sprinkle of excitement.

Basically, what I mean is that each day we do the same things in the same order when it comes to getting up, dressing, having breakfast, clearing up and doing the daily house maintenance. Then we play, go out, have lunch, clear up, have quiet time, more play, prep dinner, and after dinner, every night, tidy up, then bath then drink then book then bed. That pattern day after day means we all know what’s coming next, even those in our house who can’t tell the time. It also means if we are tired or have something else on, we adjust, and do it all, but earlier or later as appropriate, so we are not scheduled or clock watching, but one follows another like waves on the shore.

Then, each day of the week is something – Monday is baking day, Tuesday is big house clean day, Wednesday is our trip out to the library etc etc, so again, we know where we are in the week and we have stuff to look forward to.

Lovely to hear about everyone else’s advice too – so many good ideas in here
http://www.thelovelychaos.blogspot.com Jessica

Loved this post! Heck I love all your posts! Your family is just wonderful and I hope that you continue to allow us to peek into your life!

* Tell me about the rhythm of your day.
Hmm…the rhythm of my day is loosely based around when my daughter Layla wakes up, usually between 8-9 a.m, we wake up, we eat breakfast, then Daddy watches her while I clean up the post-meal chaos , then it’s shower time, and maybe a quick nap for Layla, if not it’s more playing or reading or jumping in the jumperoo!, next comes lunch, and maybe running a few errands, Daddy goes to work, and Mommy and Layla play for a little while longer until about 2 p.m (naptime!), if she’s good and tuckered out she’ll sleep til’ about 4 or 5 p.m but usually she’s up after about an hour. More playing reading, cleaning around the house, then planning dinner, cooking dinner, eating, playing some more while mommmy cleans up dinner, then winding down with a bath, a little more to drink, brushing teeth, reading a bedtime book then it’s off to bed about 8 p.m (if I’m lucky!) wheww..that was a lot more than I thought it would be

* What is the best advice you’ve ever received as a stay-at-home or work-at-home mother?

“You are doing the hardest, most IMPORTANT “job” you will ever do. Raising your child!”- my mother, her words of encouragement when I start to feel frazzled.

* What has been your biggest struggle and how are you overcoming it?

Hoping that I am responding and teaching my daughter in a way that she will grow into a kind, compassionate, strong capable woman one day. Remembering my own strength as a woman and mother, feeling capable and competent myself. I feel I am overcoming it but learning to trust myself more and more. Listening to wonderful women who have been there and reading good literature. Praying, meditating, trying to take care of myself so I am the best mother (and wife) that I can be.

* What is your deepest joy in being a homemaker?
Getting to watch my daughter grow each and everyday and know that I am not missing a moment! It’s so rewarding, when you see them learn something new, and remember things that you’ve taught them and use it! It’s amazing!

* Are there certain blogs that you love for homemaking/mama inspiration?

Denise Andrade “Bohogirl”
Dearbabyblog.com
kellehampton.com
soulemama.com

* Do you use a “system” for cleaning your house (i.e. Flylady, etc)?

I LOVE FLYLADY! I don’t implement her as often as I would like, but when I do, I can tell! My house stays so refreshed and clean, without a strenuous amount of effort. Her system is great. She’s truly amazing!
http://justm3lissa.blogspot.com Mel

Oh this post certainly speaks to me! I was just writing today about one of my “Ah-Ha!” moments – all these years at home I’ve been scouring books and blogs and seeking advice about mothering and homemaking and everything really.

And I’ve gotten some great advice (often conflicting too, haha). But the biggest thing I’ve learned so far is that I have to do what works for me. Just because the advice is good or comes from an expert or even someone I highly respect, doesn’t mean that it’s going to fit into our family life.

I’m just starting to learn to let go of the expectations of others and begin doing things in the way that’s best for us! (And that helps me keep my sanity!)

I wish you that same peace as well.
- http://walkslowlylivewildly.com/ Sara
  
  This is so true Mel…and I’ve learned the same. I love gathering tidbits from here and there and then applying what works to our life. Sometimes what works so GREAT for our family completely bombs in another!