Archive for February, 2011

Today, guest blogger (and my dear friend) Natalie Cheek shares her insights into “making love last”. We’ve been friends for a long time…even before any of us were married (Kris and Matt were roommates in college).  I can tell you first hand that Kris and Natalie have always been on another level when it comes to relationship management I have always admired their ability to keep the flame alive and I asked her to give us a glimpse into the “workings” of their love life. There are so many great tidbits in here…I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Tell about your relationship with Kris.

From the beginning, I learned that life with Kris would be an adventure. God has made him to be a man who pioneers new things.  We have started a sports ministry, been youth pastors, and  have become church planters. Through all of this, he has never  taken the easy way.

He is a visionary, dreamer, and a “doer”…and our life is definitely NOT boring! I have come to see that I was made perfectly for Kris because I love change (which happens often in our life!). I am flexible and willing to go wherever God is calling us.

Kris and I are getting ready to head out on a date tonight.  He got us a babysitter, made plans for the evening and asked me to be ready at 5:30.  He did all of this because over the past 11 years of our marriage, he has discovered that I feel very loved when he makes the plans and I get to be “taken care of”. And likewise, I have learned that Kris needs and wants to be respected.

There have been times where this has gotten out of balance.  For example, Kris making plans for us where I would have preferred to be consulted or me not taking initiative when he needs help.  As we have been intentional in our communication with each other, we really try to “hear” each other and learn the other person’s personality, preferences, and needs.  I didn’t believe it could be true, but I love and feel loved more today than 11 years ago on April 22nd, our wedding day.

I’ve always admired your commitment to Kris as his help mate and encourager. Has this always come easy for you? What or who has encouraged you in your roles as a wife and mother?

Kris is a very strong leader, as any one of his friends or co workers will tell you .  My father was the same, and I loved and admired that in him.  As I prayed for my future husband in college, my top prayer was for a man who would be a leader.  Isn’t God awesome?!

But, I have also always struggled with rebellion…so sometimes I get very defensive when Kris offers “helpful critcism” or when he asks (aka “tells”) me to do something.  I am learning that two people can hear the same words very differently.  When Kris says, “we need to clean the house” I hear, “you are not doing a good job at taking care of our home”.  What he really means is, “we need to clean the house”.  Ha!

I am a stay at home mom and homeschooler, but I love to be creative in finding ways to think outside my ‘mom’ role to be encouraging to Kris as his wife, lover, and friend.  However, I have found myself overwhelmed with all that needed to be accomplished in a day, nevermind being sexy for my husband!

One thing I learned from a dear friend was to ask Kris this question:

“What two things would make you happy to
come home to at the end of the day?”

For some husbands it would be dinner on the stove, a clean house, clean children, or soft music.  It could be anything.  For Kris, it was:

• A wife who had spent time with the Lord.
• A wife who had taken time to exercise to stay in shape.

I can do those things!!  Kris understands that the house will not always be clean and sometimes I will totally forget about supper, but now I know how to make him feel loved.

This year we have started reading a couples devotional together.  We haven’t done this since the first year of our marriage!  A lot of it feels very elementary, but they are all things that are good to revisit or think about in a different way.  We recently read a devotional on affirmation…and it was titled “Never Enough”.  As we talked about the idea of affirming one another and what made each other feel affirmed, we realized it truly is “never enough”.  So just when you think you have served, encouraged, loved your spouse to the limit. Do it again!

What do you and Kris do to “keep the flame alive”? Date nights, vacations, etc…

Ooooh, this one is fun!  Kris was ultra romantic and creative when we were dating.  Moonlit picnics in a gazebo with our own personal waiter, a car full of balloons and love notes written all over, my bathroom cleaned (which my roommate was supposed to have done), and breakfast waiting for (with him already gone).  IT WAS GREAT.

Then we got married and had an awesome first year (and I’m not just saying that!) As time went on, we kept the flame alive with regular date nights, sweet notes, and many fun activities.  But then real life started to crowd in.  Kris was working as a youth pastor and we were starting a sports ministry, SportReach, from the ground up.  On top of that, I was finishing up my degree.

One lonely evening, I called my mom to whine and wail about how “this life was not what I had signed up for!”.  I wanted to be the center of his world, but I felt like a bistander.  She gave me the best marriage advice I have ever been given.  She said,

“Make him supremely happy.”

What??!! You must mean for me to tell him to make ME supremely happy, right??!!!  Nope. She asked me to take two weeks and try every day to do at least one thing that would make him supremely happy.  I made his favorite meal. I bought him a little something when I went shopping. I told him how great he was. I took him on a surprise date.  Yes I did.

And as I started taking my eyes off of myself and all my supposed “needs”, a crazy thing happend. By the middle of the second week, he was doing the same for me!  At the end of two weeks, I just had to tell him about my little experiment.

He told me he knew “something” was up and that it was fantastic!  So now, 11 years later we still occasionally ask eachother, “How can I make you supremely happy?”  And even hearing the question makes me feel loved all over.

I know you and Kris do counseling for other couples…what do you see as the biggest problem couples are facing today?

By far the biggest issue is selfishness.  Just like I talked about, when I got my eyes off my own needs and truly loved him unselfishly, things changed.  We have counseled couples rocked by adultery, pre-married couples, and couples just wondering if this is all there is to marriage. And truly, once they get their eyes off of themselves and ask God to give them a new love for their spouse, and start serving them no matter how they feel at the moment…things always change for the better.

What are your top 3 pieces of advice for a happy marriage and happy home?

1. Work towards making each other supremely happy!  It comes back to ya!
2. Make lots of time for each other on a regular basis!  We go on a date EVERY week and take turns planning the date.  We both like surprises, so almost every date one of us doesn’t know what is going to happen.  We just tell the other how to dress and when to be ready. It’s so fun!  We also try to take a getaway three to four times a year.  We don’t have a huge budget, but it’s a big priority for us so we make it work no matter what.
3. Find out how to love each other best.  If Kris did stuff around the house all the time but never took me out on a date, I would not feel loved.  Giving me just one gift makes me feel more loved than him cleaning all the bathrooms!

One of the biggest benefits about all of this is that our children see it.  Our kiddos know beyond a shadow of a doubt that mom and dad love each other and love to be with each other…and that is good.  They feel really safe knowing that mom and dad are together and working to stay that way forever.

What is YOUR best advice for making love last?

Natalie lives in Longmont, Colorado and blogs at A Joy-Full Life. Get over there and show her some love!

 

One week ago Nana and Papa arrived and it’s been a whirlwind since then! Here are a few glimpses into our week…a birthday for my love, walks on Pearl Street, reading books, being with family. Love it. Your regularly scheduled blogging will return shortly. But for now…I’m off to bed!

And the winner is…

Anna Laura Hopper

I will contact you soon! Thanks so much to all who entered…don’t forget that Gina is offering FREE SHIPPING on all orders through February 28. Jump on over to Lettergirl and get yourself a sweet stamp and *smile*

Have a great night everyone!

My family is here! We are having a great time with Nana and Papa…it’s such a blessing to have them around for an entire week.

Right now I am sitting at the coffee shop with my Dad while Mom has the girls at the park. We’re headed to our favorite little cafe for lunch and then we’ll have Matt’s birthday party tonight! It’s a beautiful, sunny, 50-degree day and we’re enjoying every moment.

I will announce the Lettergirl winner later this afternoon. Stay tuned!

In September of 2008, I met Ellen at a Live Lightly Tour gathering in Denver. We have continued to stay in touch  online and this past weekend we finally found a day to spend together. Within a few minutes, I was wondering what took us so long to reunite! Ellen and I have much in common and the kids had such fun playing together…we’re already planning our next meet up!

Ellen brought a delicious warm vegan apple crisp that we enjoyed while drinking our yerba mate Sunlight streamed in the back door as we laughed and talked about oh so many things.

Bella and Margaret spent much of their time dressing and re-dressing to find the perfect look.

Lucy and J.J. supervised.

The weather was beautiful, so we spent a lot of time in the backyard. The kids dug in the dirt and made forts.

And of course…we hooped. Big surprise, I know

We decided to go on a “road trip” to the Thai restaurant for take-out.

A good time was had by all. The kids practiced their chopsticks skills, and Ellen and I sighed with delight as we savored our tom kha, fresh spring rolls, and pad thai.

Can’t wait to do it again…but next time we will head to their place in Denver! Ellen tells me her neighborhood has the BEST thrift stores, Thai restaurants, and a vegan ice cream shop.

Yay! It was certainly one fine Saturday.

*see full photo set here

One of the things I love most about Colorado…you can go barefoot in February and it ALWAYS feels warmer than the thermometer reads. When I start to crave iced tea instead of hot tea…I know it’s warm out

Last week we enjoyed A LOT of time in the sunshine with friends. It started with a meetup at the mall play area, then a picnic play date at the park, and then a library day and lunch.

I’ve enjoyed watching Bella and Lucy develop friendships that are consistent, and see their faces light up when we make plans to get together! I love this part of being in one place…the settling into a predictable routine.

Even though we see each other so often now, Natalie and I never seem to run out of things to talk about. The mark of a true friend.

Having a real backyard (fenced in and everything) is such a luxury! I still get excited every time I open my back door. Bella created some finger paint masterpieces out there this week…messy is fun!

I love the location of our library…it’s just a block from a good coffee shop, a yummy restaurants, a thrift store, and so much more!

When we need to shake things up a bit and play inside, we crank the music up LOUD, move the coffee table aside and dance around the living room. Sometimes with our hoops, sometimes without. It’s a great way to burn of energy for the girls and calories for mommy Jumping on the bed is another favorite activity.

Bella and I did each others nails while Lucy was napping…there was a lot of girl talk and pretending. Last week we went to Paris a lot…but this week it’s nail salons and working “on the farm”. I’m not quite sure how she made the jump from being a fashion designer in Paris to scooping the horse poop in the barn (the broom and laundry basket are props)….but she did. She embraces her every passion fully!

Every day the girls grow closer and more connected. I love seeing their relationship change and develop right before my eyes!

My parents will be arriving on Sunday for a week-long visit, as well as Dan and Jess. So excited to spend time with them! We will also be celebrating Matt’s 33rd birthday on Monday…it’s going to be a great week!

*address is intentionally altered for privacy

The first time I saw the Lettergirl store on Etsy, I squealed with excitement. If you’ve been reading my blog for any time at all, you know that I LOVE anything that has to do with mail and stationary. And you will understand why I went nuts over these adorable stamps. I’m a little obsessed with mine (above). It’s so unique…just looking at it makes me want to run to my desk and start writing letters!

There is just something magical about one’s address. It’s home. It’s familiar. It’s happy. I’ve always loved learning the address at every new home we’ve lived in. And I couldn’t think of a better way than to say “we’re staying!” than to get a custom stamp of our new address!

These custom beauties are the handiwork of Gina in Minneapolis, MN. I just had to know more about her story and give you all a chance to win your very own stamp. She does more than just address stamps too…if you have a sweet idea, she can help! Wedding stamps, business stamps, bag or tag stamps for your retail/Etsy store, book plate stamps, you name it.

When did you first fall in love with handwritten or “real” letters?
When I was in college, I somehow tested into an advanced French class which was way over my head, and the only other class I could find to transfer into was called “Crafts”.  I hadn’t planned to take another art class, but this one turned out to be my favorite – we did traditional crafts like weaving on a loom, copper enameling, ceramics, and calligraphy.  It was a lot of fun!

Have you always had beautiful handwriting!?

As you can see, I didn’t always have great handwriting!  This recipe card is from high school when I had the same handwriting as everyone else.  My lettering style has developed through years of practice.  I started by doing traditional calligraphy, but I would always provide my clients with a sample in my regular handwriting to make sure that everything was just right before embarking on the “real” calligraphy.  One of my early clients didn’t want me to rewrite it, she wanted her stationery in my handwriting instead.  Since then, I’ve developed almost a dozen different lettering styles.

How long have you been in business for yourself?
I’ll celebrate my 19^th anniversary in May.  Things were pretty different back in 1992!

What is your favorite part of your job?
I have two favorite parts.  One is getting to know my customers – I’m grateful for a lot of repeat business.  I’ve enjoyed working with couples on their wedding stationery, and then helping them with their baby announcements.  I’m about to work on a bar mitzvah invitation for the son of a couple I first worked with 14 years ago!  My second favorite part is the flexibility.  I love being home when my kids get off the school bus.  Depending how much work is on my plate, I’m not always relaxed when they get home, but it’s still nice to have a little break and hear about their day.

What are some of your other passions?

I love reading and sewing and hiking.  I wish I had snowshoes because we’ve had a lot of snow in Minneapolis this year!

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This giveaway is for one custom stamp of your choice.

There are three wonderful ways to enter the giveaway (you can do them all if you want — leave a SEPARATE comment for each one).

• Leave a comment and tell me one delightful little thing that happened today.
  
• Share this giveaway on your Facebook page.
• Share this giveaway on Twitter.

I will randomly choose a winner on Tuesday, February 22 (entry cutoff is at 12:00 p.m. MST).

AND…Gina is offering FREE SHIPPING to my blog readers through February 28!! Just enter the discount code “HAPPY” when checking out of her store on Etsy (be kind and please remember to do it when checking out so she doesn’t have to do a lot of shipping refunds!).

Happy letter writing!

Late last Thursday night I drove to the airport to pick up a dear friend who has shaped my very being. We met online long ago…during a pivotal time in my life and we formed a deep connection. Our friendship has spanned the years…but most of that time we have spent apart. Separated by oh so many miles. But distance just doesn’t matter with Becky.

Our long awaited reunion was about to take place. And as the van got closer to the lights flying overhead…I prayed.

“Oh Jesus…please make time stand still this weekend.
Let every moment be remembered.”

Three years apart…and it felt like we had never left each other.

She makes me laugh so hard I cry.
She has the most adorable southern accent.
She is an an amazingly gifted artist.
She sings and it brings me to tears.
She is family.
She is my soul sister.

To see our entire weekend…go to Flickr.
To see other fun times with Becky, click here and here.

I just wanted to check in for a quick second to say hi and that I WILL start blogging again soon I’m still recovering from an AMAZING weekend of blessed friendship, fantastic food, happy hooping, and more. My lovely friend Becky flew in from South Carolina on Thursday night and left last night. So much delightfulness packed into one weekend. Wow!

Stay tuned…lots of really fun guest posts/giveaways coming this week and next! But for now, this girl has to get some SLEEP!

*photo above is from our trip to Red Rocks for the pre-Spin Summit hoop jam…yay!

“Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever”. *Isak Dinesen

Here are a few images from our life this week. Oh that I would remember that these moments will pass by so quickly…they are precious.

Bella and I enjoyed a tea party on the floor during a recent “trip to Paris”…complete with our favorite oat bars.

After a visit to the library, the girls laid out all of their “new books” and read them together on the couch. Lucy kept a close eye on Bella to make sure she was doing it right.

Bella loves to create and truly has an artist’s heart.  We recently ordered these awesome eco-paints for her to experiment with and she loves them!

We’ve had quite a bit of snow (and cold!) this week and when Bella started getting bundled up to go “sweep out” her playhouse, Lucy cried big tears until Mommy bundled her up too. It was about 9 degrees, so it didn’t last long, but it sure was fun! We came in refreshed and full of crisp mountain air!

Today we made a few Valentine’s Day cards…sitting at our new desk!

What is making your life beautiful this week?