Archive for the 'Family' Category

One of my favorite things about staying at my parent’s house: the morning hours. The busyness of the day has not crept in yet…and we can sit together and just enjoy the dailyness of life. And in the dailyness of life…there is magic.

The way my mom’s hand look as she sips her coffee.
The way Lucy looks at her Nana.
The sparkle of the Christmas tree.
Bella’s pink cozy pajamas.
My dad making breakfast.

Enjoy the magic you see today in your own life.

Matt and I recently went on a “date night” in Des Moines. We left the girls with Nana and Papa and took off for a night of just US! First we went to our favorite Thai restaurant and shared spring rolls and curry. Then we headed down to a sweet little alternative theater and saw The Social Network (which was excellent!). On the way home, we grabbed some coffees at Starbucks.

It was delightful. We were able to sit and really SEE each other and talk without interruption. Even though we spend all day, every day together…the connection is sometimes lost in the daily-ness of life.

We are definitely not “regular” date-nighters…although I long to be. I have friends that have been doing it every week for YEARS! I’d love to hear about the special ways that you re-connect with your spouse or loved one…

Do you have a regular date night?
Have you taken a special vacation together?
How do you re-connect/slow down…especially during this hectic holiday season?

Exciting news…I am THRILLED to announce that my brother is getting married!! Congratulations to Dan and Jessica on your engagement…can’t wait to see what your future holds. Love love love.

Oh my heart. These photos just make me swoon with motherly love. I’ve been thinking so much lately about the relationship that Bella and Lucy have and how that relationship will continue to blossom and change throughout their lives.

Bella LOVES being the big sister. She loves to teach and help and encourage. She is so loving…sometimes a little TOO loving Lucy has now figured out that if she doesn’t want to be picked up by Bella, she can head butt, pinch, pull hair, bite…whatever it takes to get her to put her down. It’s actually quite humorous to observe. This is hard for Bella because all she wants to do is have a real live baby doll. Matt and I get so exasperated from repeating the phrase “Bella…please put her down” all day long. She can’t walk by Lucy without trying to pick her up!

Lucy wants to be big like Bella. It’s so hard when Bella has friends over to play…because Lucy wants to join in the fun! Unfortunately right now that means she will eat markers and tear papers, and pretty much drive them crazy. She begs to sit in Bella’s bunk…and when we finally put her up there, she sits super still and quiet…drinking in the moment.

Sometimes after Bella has an interaction with Lucy…she will share her thoughts with me. She whispers with a smile…

“I did that just like a mommy…”

And I wonder in my heart what “mommy ways” I have modeled for her that day. Often times, I am reminded of words spoken too harshly, concerns dismissed to quickly, or her repeated requests that went ignored because I was “busy”. I so desire to show her what gentleness, grace, and kindness look like in a real setting. And yet, I fail often.

Watching her act out my inadequacies is a hard wake up call. And something I am actively working on. Because she copies my actions. And Lucy copies her actions. So by controlling my own selfishness and/or impatience, I can affect the entire dynamic of our family. I have God-given power to mold the outcome of every situation by exchanging my knee jerk reactions with thoughtful, Christ-like reactions.

I cannot do this on my own. I do not believe that deep down I am a “GOOD” person and if I just focus on that, good things will come out of my heart. No, I believe that deep down, I am motivated by selfish desires. I’m motivated by my flesh. And acting in the flesh FEELS good at the time, but it’s not good.  I’m a sinner. Every day (sometimes every hour), I have to die to those desires. I want more of Jesus and less of me. I walk with Jesus by my side every day so that I can listen to Him whisper encouragement in my ears:

…her sense of accomplishment and her mad climbing skills.

…her free spirit.

…the connection Matt and Lucy share. This girl is in LOVE with her Daddy.

…iced mate, Flickr, hooping, and travel (all in one photo!)

…her sense of self.

…whimsical rock art.

…tiny toes and chubby legs.

I’ve been working on some new projects, which means more time away from the RV..and I miss my little loves! I suppose it would help if I didn’t listen to sappy soundtracks while I work.

Ohh….but they are magical. They are unique. They are inspiring. They are sometimes exhausting. They are mine. I find so much joy in family.

What do you love today? What is bringing you joy?

I remember waking up on this day exactly 10 years ago and being so full of excitement. All of our friends and family had come up to northern Minnesota to celebrate the commitment Matt and I were about to make. The food was ready. The church was being decorated. I felt amazing.

The day went off without a hitch. I still remember the feeling I had as the doors opened, and the music swelled…my daddy holding my arm as he walked me down the aisle.

There was such hope and anticipation in that day, for the weeks ahead, and for our lives together. I look at this photo of us and remember the giddy feelings we had when we were together in those early days…and we still feel that way! We’ve experienced more life TOGETHER than many couples do in a lifetime. I am so thankful for my sweet Matthew and on this day, we celebrate 10 years of bliss together.

Our friends thought we were crazy when we told them we were getting married after knowing each other for one month. We were crazy then, and we’re STILL crazy. Love you!

Photos from our wedding day here.

Sweet Bella,
Six years ago today we welcomed you into our lives. Little did we know how you would change us, inspire us, and teach us. You have brought us joy in so many ways. Your questions, your smile, your fiery spirit…you are a miracle. We love you as high as the sky!

Love,
Your Mommy and Daddy

The Homebirth of Lucia Mae from Sara Janssen on Vimeo.

Nothing could have fully prepared me for the emotions that washed me as we welcomed a new little person into our family just four months ago. Before she was born, I tried to imagine what it would be like…but that amazing moment when she took her first breath and was finally HERE..that’s when I truly grasped how my life has been forever changed.

On the morning of May 29, I woke up at 5am with a few contractions. I laid there for about 2 hours, timing them and wondering. Around 7, I decided that this was it and we started to make the preparations for birth. Matt filled the tub, I got my “birthing clothes” on and we called Rebecca, our midwife. She said to call her back when the contractions were coming closer together. Bella hopped into the tub with me for a little scuba diving practice and we had some really special “last moments” together as just us.

Around 10:30 a.m., we called Rebecca back and things were starting to progress. I had been walking around the house, chatting with my mom and dad (who arrived from Iowa 2 nights before), walking out to the ally and back again. I would stop to have a contraction, and then keep going on with what I was doing. But by 11am, I felt like I needed to be more focused on each contraction, so I went in the bedroom and sat on the birthing ball.

The ball was my best friend. My contractions were low and in my hips/back. It felt great for me to bounce and put my hands on my hips during each one and press down hard while I vocalized. However, when anyone else tried to take over the task of pressing on my hips, it HURT SO BAD. So, after swatting both Matt and Rebecca away from me, I went at it in solitude.

I could feel myself slowly slipping into a laborland…a blissful state where the only thing that mattered was seeing my baby. The contractions continued to intensify. Rebecca and her assistant, Katie would come in to check the heart tones, but they never checked dialation per my request and all I can remember Rebecca saying was “you’re doing great…keep doing it”. They would occasionally offer me some Recharge to sip on (oh my word…I love the grape flavor!) and a cool wash cloth for my forehead. Most of the time, I was completely unaware of who was in the room and even fell asleep between contractions toward the end. I would wake myself up when I heard snoring…and then I would laugh. ☺

I had spent the last couple of days prior creating my perfect birth musical playlist. At some point in labor, I demanded that it be turned OFF because it was annoying me. So much for my baby entering into the world with the voice of Jason Mraz crooning in the background.

One thing I remember from all of my prenatal appointments with Rebecca was that we should have have “no expectations” of the birth experience. She reminded me to just go with the flow and listen to my body…and this is one of the many reasons why I love her so much.

From the moment we met Rebecca, we knew that she would be a perfect fit for our family. She is kind, compassionate, intuitive, and she truly respects the birth process. She is incredibly knowledgeable in so many areas…we felt confident that we could bring any question to her and she would have the answer. She empowered ME to trust my body and let birth unfold in the way it’s supposed to. The best part…we didn’t just gain a midwife in this process, we gained a friend for life.

I chose to focus on the word “open” during my labor…I never said the entire word out loud, but I would say “oooooooohhhhhhhhhh” in a low and loud voice whenever a contraction would come on. It was the best pain medication EVER. As soon as I stopped vocalizing, the pressure would get stronger.

Feeling Lucy move down through the birth canal was the craziest feeling…with every contraction, I could feel her get a little closer to emerging. I never “decided” to push…my body just did it on it’s own and when I felt myself wanting to bear down, I just went with it. There came a time when I knew I must be in transition because my internal voice was saying “Wow…when is this going to be over? It hurts.” And as soon as I thought that to myself, I was glad because I knew it was close!

At this point, I sensed a shift in Rebecca…and she asked Matt if he wanted to catch his baby. That question quickly snapped me out of la-la land and I was ON IT. Let’s DO THIS! I reached down and felt Lucy’s head emerging. My waters still had not broken.

On the next contraction, I felt her crowning and remember my voice getting higher…I looked at Rebecca and she reminded me to stop pushing and make the “puh puh puh” sound with my mouth to slow down the crowning and avoid tearing. And then…she was born. Her head “popped” out along with the water sac, and I felt and immediate sense of relief. I reached down and felt her head and on the next contraction the rest of her body slipped out, into her Daddy’s hands and she was placed on my chest. 2:59 p.m…a miracle is born.

There are no words to describe that moment. She was here. She was perfect. I counted her fingers and toes and grinned from ear to ear. Bella was in charge of announcing if it was a boy or a girl…but the cord was blocking the view and made it look like her was a boy. When we finally realized it was a girl, I was in SHOCK! I was sure it was a boy the entire pregnancy. I had random old women in Costco coming up to me to tell me I was having a boy. Along with every other person in my life. We had an entire dresser full of little boy clothes with not one pink onesie in sight. And yet, her SHE was. A sweet little girl. A sister for my Bella. Oh what joy filled my heart.

We announced that her name would be Lucia Mae…Lucy for short. The rest of the afternoon was a blur of snuggling, calling, smiling, crying, loving…I nearly drove my mom crazy because I wanted to be the one to tell my four siblings the news. I was waiting until things calmed down a bit before I called…but she could hardly contain her excitement. ☺

The night before I went into labor, I had a dream. In the dream, I walked through an open door and my Grandma was standing in front of me with her arms outstretched. She was vibrant, healthy and smiling. She embraced me. As we held each other, she whispered, “It’s ok…it’s time”. I stepped back from her and then she was gone.

This dream came just one day after her funeral back in Iowa. A funeral that I could not attend…being that I was about to give birth. It was devastating for me to miss saying goodbye to her…and yet I felt her presence with me so strongly those last couple of days before Lucy was born. She was still there with me. And even as we said goodbye to Baba…we welcomed a NEW life into the world. The incredible circle of life and death.

It was such a blessing to have my mom and dad at her birth…they were able to be at Bella’s birth as well. They drove straight to Bozeman from Iowa after the funeral and I can only imagine the emotions and stress that they were going through….and yet they drove 16 hours to be with us. I will always treasure the memories I have of my mom and Bella as they watched Lucy join this world…and of my dad as he patiently waited in the living room as his first born child became a mother once again.

It has been quite a transition to add a second child into our family after 5 years of just one…and yet it’s the most wonderful thing that we’ve done thus far. The depth of our relationships with each other have changed and grown, and watching Bella with Lucy brings me to tears.

Lucy is now 4 ½ months old and is changing every day. She laughs out loud and her sister’s funny faces. She chews on everything she can get her hands on. It seems her legs have a new roll on them every time I change her diaper. She loves being in the Moby and the excitement that overtakes her every time she realizes she is about to nurse is just too wonderful.

We can’t imagine life without her…and can’t wait to see her little personality emerge. God is good.

Photography by myself and Alicia Caine
Midwifery Care by Rebecca at Green Midwife

Songs:
The Story by Brandi Carlile
Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks

If you are having trouble viewing the Vimeo video, it’s on YouTube here as well.

Alicia is at it again! We had Lucy’s newborn photo shoot and of course, these just melted my mama heart. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful and talented friend who can capture these early moments in a completely amazing way. I will treasure these forever. Our full family session is now uploaded as well…click here to see us in our pre-Lucy days Oh how I love them! Also, be sure to go check out Alicia’s site and blog…so much fun stuff!

I can’t wait to show you all the photos she took of Lucy’s birth (along with the birth story)…I’m editing them right now, but can’t make any promises as to when they will be all done There are A LOT! So in the meantime, enjoy these yummy photos…and go check out the entire set here.

Today marks the NINE year anniversary of my commitment to this amazing man. Everyday I am more in awe of how perfectly we are matched to each other and how God has provided for us so abundantly throughout the years. In the past nine years, we have:

• Lived in 11 homes
• Created two little people who look like us
• Traveled the country and experienced a lot of LIFE in a small period of time
• Fallen more deeply in love than ever!

And oh how I love him! Let me count the ways:

I LOVE…

• …how he loves Jesus.
• …his passion for leading others in worship.
• …how he confidently leads our family.
• …how he knows exactly how I like my poached eggs and he has them ready for me in the morning.
• …how he is incredibly handy and can truly fix/create anything!
• …his obsession with Craigslist…and his “researcher” personality.
• …his family (I am a lucky girl to acquire them as my own!)
• …how he looks at his girls.
• …how seriously he takes the role of “Daddy”.
• …that he is a true “outdoors/workin’ man”.
• …his love of movies.
• …that he enjoys going to garage sales and thrift stores with me.
• …listening to him play his guitar.
• …that he requests green smoothies and drinks them with pleasure
• …that he loves to travel.
• …feeling our feet touch in the covers as we fall asleep.
• …how handsome he is! Woo woo!

…and most of all, I love that he LOVES ME!

Thank you Matt for standing by me and loving me unconditionally…I’m looking forward to 50 more years!
Here are a few pics of our special day.